Prayer and Fasting (final remarks)

Fasting does not have to go with prayer and I only fast occasionally. How you do it is up to you. You could choose not to eat or drink a particular item. You’d also need to chose how long, whether one meal, a day, a week or longer. It’s really up to you and what your body can handle physically and/or the prayer on your heart. When I fast I’ll choose how long it’s going to be and I don’t eat food but I allow myself to drink anything I want. Typically, I’ll limit my drinking to juice and water to maintain some sort of nutrition. On a side note, this is not a diet. Although I have hoped that a byproduct of me not eating would be losing weight, it doesn’t happen. 

I told my two biggest stories of answers to prayer and fasting although I’m sure that there have been others. In the fall of ’95 I had moved back to Pensacola, FL three months earlier and before I started my first year as a college student I spent five days fasting. I’m not sure the specifics of my prayer to God but I felt it necessary as I was starting a new chapter in my life.

There have been days here and there where I would take one to three days in prayer. What I’ve also found interesting is that after I’ve stopped eating for a few days it’s sometimes actually hard to start up again. You have to start fixing food and you haven’t had dirty dishes for a while. Of course, this is different when kids are around because you shouldn’t make them go without food.

The last time I fasted was for Tina during the trial last year. I had determined that I would not eat from the day her trial started until there was a verdict. My prayer was for her, and all those associated with convicting Ernie of rape. You might imagine that I was very glad the verdict came in Friday night and not postponed until Monday. Did my prayers bring a guilty verdict? No, he was guilty and he would have been found that way whether I prayed or not but my prayer was for strength for Tina. I knew that it was going to be a rough, emotional week for her and since I needed to stay home with the kids while she was in NH, I was able to be with her in spirit by praying for her.

If you have never fasted, I would challenge you to try it. Try it for a meal or for a day. The first time I was challenged to do it I was told that a typical fast is three days but I never could have done that the first time. I challenge you to do it because it’s good for you to have more of a focus in your prayer. Pick a purpose for your fasting. Choose the length of time you want to focus on that purpose. It’s not a magic trick and it’s not going to force God to do something for you. Prayer and fasting is for you. It changes you, not God. Allow yourself to be changed.

Prayer and Fasting (Story #2)

It’s October 1994, I call my parents’ house and reach my mom. She tells me about this great time she had with my dad on their anniversary. I knew things had been rough but I was excited because it seemed things were turning around. I called a couple days later and my mom starts crying when I ask if dad is there. She said, "No, he's out with his girlfriend." I asked, "He told you that?" And my mom just keeps on crying and telling me what's going on. She told me that she had told him that if he didn't stop his unfaithfulness and all the other stuff he was doing that she was going to leave him. 

Now for my mom to say this, I know she was hurting. My dad had been unfaithful to her from almost the start of their marriage but as life went on he became more absorbed in himself and living his sinful life. He always tried to keep up an image of righteousness to us and church but he was far from it and as his kids didn't live in the house any more he didn't have to hide his true self any more. 

What do you say to your mom who's crying and telling her son all that is going on? All I could do was listen and sympathize. When I got off the phone Thursday night, I determined that I would spend the next day fasting until evening. My prayer was that God would put my dad in a place where the only thing he could do was to look to God. Little did I know how God would answer that prayer. I thought of a number of different scenarios but nothing close to what actually happened.

A few days later my dad calls and tells us that mom is missing. The first thing I thought was that this is my answer to prayer. I didn't know how but I knew that this situation was how God was going to work in my dad's heart. I offered to come home from Florida to help find her but he told me to stay put. On Halloween night, my youngest sister, who was also in Florida, and I got a call from my dad saying that they found mom. She was dead. 

My dad had my mom's body flown to MI where she grew up and my family all met up there with my mom's brothers and other family and friends and had her funeral and buried her. We all flew to Az on a Sunday morning. As we were getting off the plane, my dad was arrested for her murder and later that afternoon my dad confessed.

The answer to my prayer was my dad placed in prison so that the only way he could look to was God. The death of my mom and the imprisonment of my dad would not have been my option but God knew that it was the only way to get his attention and to a place long enough that he'd listen. There was a lot of anger from my dad at the wrong people but I truly believe that my dad has repented and is a different person spiritually than he was when he was locked up almost 18 years ago.

I learned to pray for the general and let God worry about the specifics. I knew my dad needed to change and that God knew how to get that accomplished. God knows the big picture and knows the best way to get someone's attention. When you leave the details to God, God's name is glorified.

Prayer and Fasting (Story #1)

I am very far from being an expert but I’d like to share a couple of my experiences and how it impacted my life. I know it’s not a magic and you can’t coerce God into doing things for you but when you see God work through your prayers, it has a profound impact on you. 

I grew up praying. It’s a part of being a Christian. I’ve heard stories of people who spent hours on their knees and/or got up early every day to spend time with God. I think that’s great but I’ve never been very faithful like that. My mind wanders and I’ve heard ways to avoid that but it feels odd to pray out-loud by myself but having a list does help.

I also grew up hearing about fasting and what the Bible taught about it but didn’t know anyone who did it. I didn’t think it was commonly practiced and was mostly used by prayer warriors. I’m not really sure what I thought. I just know that I never considered doing it myself.

STORY #1

It was the beginning of ’94 and I was going to First Baptist Church in Tempe, Az. I had been going there for about 2 years and felt like I was growing spiritually again. We had a great Sunday school teacher for young singles. I made some great friends there. During one of the lessons he taught about fasting and challenged us to try it, even if it was just for a day. I thought, alright, I’ll do it.

So, I picked a day and decided I’d do 24 hours. I fixed a big meal right before midnight and spent the next 24 hours not eating. I was starving. I worked both my jobs and on my way home I stopped off at the grocery store to fix food. At 11pm I’m cooking over a stove and waiting for midnight and then I started inhaling food. What I learned was that the hunger pains reminded me to pray. All I prayed for was direction in my life. It was nothing dramatic but I wanted more but I didn’t know what.

What happened was that a month later God told me to quit my job after I had just gotten a promotion and a month after that I loaded up my car and drove to Pensacola, FL with $200 in my pocket. I arrived with about $25 and some friends let me sleep there a couple weeks until God provided a job and a room I could rent from a guy who had a 2 bedroom apartment.

Couldn't Say "No"

I’m not sure if it’s my personality or my upbringing but I’ve always had a hard time saying “no,” especially to my dad and I could never question him without feeling like I was being disrespectful. There were a few times as an adult that he asked me to do something for him and even though I knew I should say “no,” I did. I didn’t feel like I could say “no” to him. Let me give you a couple examples.

When I left for MC boot camp, I gave my bank information to my dad to take care of my account. When I came home, there should have been money in there. My dad had taken it upon himself to borrow it. Now, he did pay it back right away and I think I expressed my displeasure but I didn’t really say anything. What I did do was when I was activated for Desert Shield/Storm was give my mom my power of attorney to handle my accounts to pay bills, etc. When I came back, there was money in my bank and a detailed account of what my mom did. If it had been my dad, I’m not sure it would be there.

A better example is about six months before my deployment, which I didn’t know about yet, my dad asked me to help him out by moving out of my current place and take over the rent of an apartment that he was renting. He claimed that he had been helping a woman and her kids and he was making them move out. I thought it strange but I took his word for it at the time. I knew it was not a good situation for me but I wanted to help him out. It turned out worse than I thought. After the first three months, my rent jump each month. About 75% of my income was going to rent. I was trapped but was rescued from that apartment by my deployment. When I came back six months later, I found a new apartment and a second job and life was a little bit easier.

About a year later my car broke and I ended up with no car for almost two years. My dad offered to get rid of it for me with someone who he knew would buy junk cars and said he’d give me the money. My dad said the guy only gave him $50. I’d be willing to guess that my dad got a lot more for it than that but who was I to say he was lying.

I should be glad that my dad didn’t ask more things of me. He was too busy doing his own stuff and I was busy working two jobs and hanging out with my friends. I didn’t see my parents much even though they lived less than two miles down the road.

Aimless Through Life

I thought my parents did pretty well in letting me grow up and move out. They didn’t guide me much beyond what I was already getting at my Christian school and Baptist church. I was going in a good direction and thought I knew where I was headed. Sometimes I look back and wish they had prepared me more but I realize that it’s not their fault. I was trained my entire life toward being in church ministry. I was headed to becoming a preacher somewhere. I thought being an evangelist would be cool but I probably would have ended up a youth pastor, which would have been great.

I look at where I am now, working for corporate America and wonder what I’m doing. I look back and wish my parents had given me guidance in this area of my life because I’d be so much further in my career but I can’t blame them. It was me that got my life on to a different track. It was me who made mistakes and me who did not to finish out my sophomore year of college and me who decided to go to ITT Tech for computer design instead of back to IBC for pastoral studies. It was me who chose to continue working various jobs, stop going to church, and do my own thing for a while, basically wasting about ten years.

I also see the Holy Spirit’s work in my life because the quiet voice of God was always reminding me that I was not following Him. I finally started going back to church and I was still working two jobs but things were looking up. I was now working at Walgreens and Ameritech and after a couple of years at Walgreens I was promoted to department manager for a different store. I quit Ameritech, my day job, and started working nights for Execucar again and moved to my new store.

In 1994, around Feb/Mar. timeframe, I had been praying to God to give me guidance but I had no pre-conceived ideas of what that meant. A few weeks later at church (not TCBC), we had a three-night mid-week conference and I made a point to be there. On Wednesday night, my third day as a department manager, I heard God tell me to quit my job and go back to school. The next day, I put in my two week notice. Two months later I moved to Pensacola, FL in the hopes of attending Pensacola Christian College (PCC). A family tragedy put my plans on hold for another year and a half.

I attended PCC for two years starting in the Fall of 1995. I then came back to IBC in the Fall of 1997 and spent two years finishing my bachelor’s degree and working on a master’s degree. I worked at various churches during that time and then moved up to East Wenatchee, WA for two years to work as the youth pastor. I then headed off in August 2001 to Watertown, WI, where I attended Maranatha Baptist Bible College (MBBC) & earned a BSED degree, got married, and had two of my three children.

I moved my family to Arizona where I landed a good job in a large company but no promotions yet. My third child was born in the middle of pursuing my MAED. My family goes to church and we're living the American dream. 

At times it feels like my life has been pretty aimless with no clear direction or goal. I do wonder what awaits my family around the next bend of life's path but because I don't have the road mapped out or see clear roadsigns of the future, does that mean I've been wandering aimlessly through life?

This is what I realize. God prepared me for the love of my life, my wife. God had me go through experiences without wife and kids to help me be a better husband and father than I would have been in my 20's. God brought people into my life that I needed that have helped my family and be a support in life's struggles. He created a desire in me to learn and He's helped me use the things I've learned in the past to help me make wise decisions for the future.God has also prepared me to be a support to my wife through her trials, both figuratively and literally. 

Years ago, when I was searching for direction in my life, a wise couple told me, "God can't guide you unless you're moving your feet." I believe that's true. 

At times it may seem to me that I'm aimlessly going through life but I have to realize that it is God directing me down the path He has chosen for me so that I can be used of Him where He has placed me, to people I meet, and to future opportunities that He opens up for me. 

My seemingly aimless journey through life is a testimony of God's guidance in molding a child of His to be in His image through the twists and turns of life with only God knowing the path ahead.

Feeling like a MAN

Where is that point in life when a boy becomes a man? Maybe it’s a process and it happens over time or there are junctions in life that you become more man-like. I’m not sure. There are times in my life when I can point to that I could use to say, “That’s when I become a man.” 

Is it when I turned 18 or maybe six months later when I started to attend college? It didn’t feel like it. I still lived at home, went to the same church, went to the church’s college, and still had the same job that I had while a senior in high school. Nothing really changed except my age.

How about when I was 20, joined the Marine Corps, went through boot camp, went to military school, and reported in to my MC Reserve center? If I was to pick a time that I became a man it would be when I finished boot camp but after it was all said and done, I came back and lived at home and attended the same church. Nothing really changed except that I now had military duty once a month.

How about the following year when I finally moved out of my parents’ house?  This is a good time to think of myself as a man. I took on all the responsibilities of being an adult. I paid rent, bought food, had a job, had a girlfriend, and was free from my parents’ authority. I could definitely feel like a man now but I always felt like my parents’ child even though they didn’t control me.

What about the time I headed off to war when I was 23 (I turned 24 in Saudi Arabia) during Desert Shield, which turned into Desert Storm? That’s definitely something that should make me feel like a man. When I was leaving, it was the first and only time that I remember my dad saying to me, “I’m proud of you, son.” To me, that may stand out as the time I realized my dad thought of me as a man.

Could it be when I finally got married at 35? What about when I had my first child at 36 and my youngest at 40? There's no doubt that I was a man by this time in my life but did I become more of a man at this time?

I guess you could say that each step made me the man that I am today. There are numerous ways that people will judge manhood and all of these are milestones and could be said that at this specific time I became a man. 

Today we don't have a rite of passage from being a boy to being acknowledged as a man. I know it's important for me to help my son to become a man but it has occurred to me that I can help my son realize when I see him as a man. Why should a man go through life wondering if they've achieved manhood and that others look at him as a man. I believe a man should be able to look back and say, "That's when I became a man. That's when my dad accepted me as a man."

Moving Out & Moving On

It’s the end of 1987 and I just got home from spending seven weeks at my military school learning combat engineering and I reported into my reserve unit on 35^th Ave in Phoenix. I moved back into my parents’ house in Mesa for about a year. I found a job as a driver for a blueprint company, dated my girlfriend, and hung out. 

I ended up signing up for a Computer-Aided Design and Drafting degree from ITT Technical Institute in January but the classes didn’t start until April. This meant it would conflict with my two weeks of military training in the summer and so it was arranged that I could go to the 29 Palms Marine Corps base in CA in February. This was an interesting trip. We were supposed to be part of a military exercise but they forgot we were coming and so we spent most of our time sitting in barracks in the middle of nowhere waiting for something to do. 

On my AT (annual training) I learned how to play many variations of poker. We played penny-poker because nobody had much money. I also got my first helicopter ride. It was in a CH53 and we went to the middle of nowhere and helped hook up cargo nets to the helicopter so it could move the equipment somewhere else. After a week with nothing to do they finally enlisted our help in building some A-frame huts. We did this for the last 4 days. 

Shortly after I got back from my AT, I ended up breaking up with the young woman I had been dating for the past 2 ½ years and shortly after that I ended up dating a co-worker for the next eight months. I started my classes at ITT and for the next year my schedule consisted of working all day, going to ITT from 6pm to 10pm, going out on the weekends except the first weekend of each month when I would show up at my drill weekend. 

Financially, things got really tight and so I also started going to the blood bank twice a week between work and school to give plasma. On Tuesday I’d get $10 and put gas in my car and on Friday I’d get $15 and use that for groceries. I probably did this for about two years. I still have scars on my arm where they drew out the plasma.

A few months after starting school at ITT, the Fall of ’88, I had become friends with a couple guys and we decided to get an apartment together. One of the guys lived up in Fountain Hills with his parents and found an apartment nearby. I loaded all my stuff (bed, dresser & clothes) in the back of a pick-up truck and moved to Fountain Hills for the next year. With work, school, church, military, and a girlfriend, I didn’t spend very much time there.

In January of ’89, I was footloose and fancy free and I remained that way for many, many years. I had the occasional date but for the most part focused on trying to pay the bills. Most of the time, I was working two jobs. I stopped going to church. By April of ’89, I had graduated from ITT Tech and had moved into my own place, a four-plex, in Mesa near Gilbert and Broadway and I lived there for about 1 ½  years. I sent out about 50 applications and received three responses, all not interested and I kept driving for the blueprint company.

In 1990, although the timing is fuzzy as to exactly what happened and when, I started working for a pager company, Ameritech, and as a taxi driver for Execucar. For the next four months I worked 80-100 a week until I just could not handle working two jobs on four to six hours a sleep a night. In the middle of the year, I stopped driving and only did my job at Ameritech. 

Near the end of the summer of ’90, I moved to an apartment at the request of my dad. It was a “couldn’t say ‘no’ to my dad” moment that I knew was not in my best interest but did it anyway. I’ll tell this story later. I was rescued from this apartment and the financial woes that came with it at the end of the year when I headed to Saudi Arabia due to being activated for Desert Storm. Again, it’s another story for another time.