I really enjoyed this book and hearing her journey of being born, raised, and lived in a "church" for 43 years that claimed to be the only church that was part of "The Body" of Christ.
It was very insightful and it was interesting to hear how hard it was for her to leave even after she knew something was wrong and how much of a grasp the teachings had on her life even years after she left.
Her prayer is that others will see and escape the spiritual abuse and have a real relationship with God.
Below are some of the things she said that I thought we very insightful and interesting.
I learned to trust God with every aspect of my life. I learned not to judge His actions by how well they mirror my own desires. I learned to trust Him when I understand and when I do not, when I am overflowing with joy and when I am struggling to cope with life’s challenges.
But when there is coercion and pressure in the form of spiritual manipulation, there is no freedom of choice. Subtle mind control and implied messages are often the most oppressive. In all the years I spent there, I refused to believe that I was controlled; yet I never knew genuine freedom.
This philosophy of elitism encouraged abuses of power that left many atrocities in its wake. Still many remain unwaveringly conditioned by the fear of “speaking against” or even questioning these “men of God.” Although it is a warped and twisted view of the Scriptures, people with honest hearts are often vulnerable to manipulation after many years of this conditioning.
Our emotional “shelves” were not intended to carry this kind of weight. Being taught to put it on the shelf rather than deal with our pain sends a horrible message, which inflicts an additional emotional burden on every victim. It makes the victim responsible for the emotions and discomfort of everyone around him or her. Victims of abuse should never carry the weight of hurting or embarrassing their abusers, their abusers’ families, their church, or even their own families, but they do. Sometimes they carry that weight for the rest of their lives. In some cases, they are encouraged to do so by well-meaning people. Instead the message should be: “None of this is your fault.”
I have witnessed countless apathetic observers insist that victims just “have to forgive,” even in the absence of repentance. I have seen victims absolutely vilified simply because they needed to talk about what happened to them. And I believe those who remain fearfully silent today choose to suffer privately, at least in part, because they have witnessed the vilification of others who have dared to talk.
I learned that when you enable someone’s ungodly behavior, you are only thinking of yourself. If you truly love someone, you will tell them the truth instead of what they want to hear.
Any time other people’s opinions and validation mean so much to you that they make your ‘top three’ list, you are in serious trouble. At some point, you will compromise what is right in order to be considered a good person by others.”
“The essence of courage is this: Courage is facing your heart’s greatest nightmare and saying I’m going to do the right thing, I’m going to do the unselfish thing no matter what.” – Tim Keller
loyalty to a group can contribute to the breakdown of a family.
to choose a group above a relationship was idolatry.
Where justice doesn’t matter, the truth becomes something moldable and is often lost in translation. Conversely, where truth is relative, justice has little relevance.
I remember my counselor pointing out to me that a dual life was a natural by-product of legalism and perfectionism. Since none of us can actually be perfect, the next best thing is to try to look perfect.
He wrote two words on the chalkboard; humble and exalt. He had us look at the words for a few moments. Then he said, “As you walk through life, you will have to choose to either humble yourself or exalt yourself in many situations. Just remember that whichever one you choose, God will take care of the other.”
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