Haydn's 2nd grade play

Tonight, Haydn's 2nd grade put on a play. It was cute. I took a couple photos and some video clips. I hope you enjoy them.

I had a couple more videos but can't get them to load. You can check my Facebook page.

Duty Over Desire

How many times do we do something because we should do something and not because we want to do something? We all have. We do it on a regular basis. 

What if our sense of duty is over-sensitive? What if we feel we should do something but others would understand if we didn’t do them? Or, maybe they wonder why we do it. 

I keep telling my wife that we need to go see my dad. This is not something I WANT to do. It’s something I feel that I NEED to do. As his son, I feel that I have to go. I don’t really like going but I think I should.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love my dad. I always will. I actually like seeing him and knowing that he’s doing as well as possible. I just hate going to where my dad lives. I don’t like having to spend more time traveling to and from than the time spent sitting in a visiting room with him. If he lived closer, such as Florence, it wouldn’t be such a big deal to visit him.

Here is the usual trip to see my dad and why I dread it every time. We’ll leave early on a Saturday morning. We spend about three hours driving to the Az State Prison that is south of Yuma, almost into Mexico. When we get there, we park, empty our pockets of everything except ID and about $20 in quarters. We get sniffed by drug detection dogs and then we board a bus driven by one of the prisoners. We go to my dad’s unit and check in. We go through a metal detector, through two steel doors to get to the visiting room filled with tables and chairs, and we wait for them to call him from his cell. 

Depending on our timing, we’ll wait about 15 to 45 minutes for him to show up. It depends if we get there before the changing of the guards. The visitation room is about 100’ by 40’ with a bathroom for guests and one for inmates. You can go outside on the patio (concrete slab with some metal picnic tables) that’s about the same size as the room but it’s surrounded by a 15’ high chain link fence and razor wire on top.

There is usually about 50-75 visitors in the visitation room and concrete slab. Visitation is over at 4pm and so we are usually sitting around a table talking, playing games with pieces missing, reading children’s books, and eating food out of vending machines. We’re not allowed to bring in food or anything else. We’re allowed to bring in $10 per person in quarters to use in the overpriced vending machines but I think the most we’ve every brought in was $30 and it goes fairly quickly.

The kids actually enjoy it, which surprises me. At first, they didn’t realize where they were going or why they had to go through all the security. It was just the place where grandpa lived. We’ve tried to go every six months but it’s been a year now and I’m sure my dad’s anxious to see us. I know the kids want to see him. I wrote a while back that the kids know where he lives and why he’s there. I’m guessing that he’ll get more questions this time.

My dad usually has an agenda about what he wants to talk about. He’s been working on a book for the past 15 years and is in the process of trying to get it published. We started visiting him as a family seven years ago when we moved to Phoenix. We had to encourage him to play and read to the kids. They like playing games with him from the wooden box full of misused games and missing pieces.

So, basically, Tina and I sit there while my kids play with grandpa. On several trips, one of the kids gets sick on the way there or on the way home. A year ago, Aria threw up on my shirt in the lobby while waiting to get in the visiting room. Fortunately, it smelled like the chocolate donut she had just eaten. I didn’t have a clean shirt and I was not going home after that long trip and so I held Aria for six hours in the visiting room until our visit was over.

After our visit, we climb in our car, go through security to be sure we’re not hiding a prisoner, and we head home. It’s just a really long day. We’ve tried different things to make it better, such as driving over on Friday night and spending the night in a hotel and going in the morning. The last few times we’ve done without the hotel because it just bumps up the cost of the trip and it just costs too much money.

Here’s how it boils down. We try to go every six months and I’m glad that we get to see him but every six months when we start planning on when to go, I dread it. It’s just not an enjoyable trip and it costs money that we really don’t have but it’s something that I feel I need to do, that I should do, and so I go out of duty instead of desire. I’m glad when it’s over because I won’t think about going for another six months. In the end, I’m glad I go and the kids are glad they see grandpa, and I’m thankful to Tina for putting up with it all. 

Is it bad to do something you should do out of duty instead of desire?

Should I feel bad about not wanting to make that trip to Yuma more than twice a year?

Should I feel guilty that I don’t see him more than twice a year?

FAMILY UPDATE (Mostly about Aria)

The biggest thing that we deal with is Aria’s health. We hoped that the surgery in May would be the “magic pill” that fixes everything and she gets healthy and everything is hunky dory. That is not what happened. It seemed to me that nothing change or even got worse but we were told not to worry because the change can be gradual. 

Aria’s breathing was not improving and so more doctor’s visits and we find out she has a couple more rare conditions (Laryngomalacia and fat in her lungs) but her lung function was getting better due to medication she was put on this summer.

Another rare condition that our daughter has is an auto-immune issue. In a nutshell, she does not have an auto-immune system. Her body does not fight sickness very well. We were not able to do much about this until she got older and the doctors had hoped that she’d grow out of it, which happens for some kids. She didn’t and so now that we’re getting her other problems dealt with it was time to take care of her auto-immune system.

We thought we’d have to fight the insurance company but they approved it after verification of some of her medical records.   A couple of weeks ago we started her IVIG Treatments and God answered our prayers because we were hoping to do it by SubQ. These treatments happen once a week. 

Last Thursday and the Thursday before that, we showed up at the doctor’s office to be taught how to administer the treatments to her at home. This week we’re on our own. We’ll probably keep doing it on Thursday nights but we’ll do it after she’s fallen asleep.

What we are giving Aria is considered a “blood product.” This means it comes from people who donate plasma. To all of those out there who donate blood and plasma, “THANK YOU!!!!” You are part of group of people helping other people and families like ours appreciate you very much. 

Aria’s been struggling with her health for the past two weeks. It seemed like mostly a cold and she’s needed some breathing treatments. We took her in to see her pulmonologist and the doctor put her on steroids and antibiotics again and recommended that we use Mucinex because it seems to break up the mucus better and might help her breathing and sleeping at night.

Here’s the rundown on Aria’s meds. Every morning she gets two medications that we crush into a drink for her. Again, at night, she gets three more plus an inhaler and nose spray. We also have three different kinds of medications that we can give her as a breathing treatment depending on the situation. Currently she’s on steroids and antibiotics, which she seems to need every so often, although there used to be a time when it used to be on antibiotics on a regular basis. On top of all this, she now has her weekly IVIG treatments. I know I'm missing some medications that we have on hand in case we need it but you get the idea.

To look at her you’d have a hard time knowing anything is wrong with her but she’s a strong little girl and God has His hand on her. Please keep her in your prayers. I believe God has big things in store for her and that God will use her mightily.

Aria is loving school but has already missed a lot of days due to doctor’s, etc. Please pray she doesn’t fall behind in her learning, although we try to help her at home and she has a great teacher who understands.

Haydn and Suzanna are doing well in school. In most subjects, especially reading, they are above their grade levels. It’s great that their school accommodates students who excel in certain subjects so that they are always being challenged. 

Tina’s been doing a lot more substitute teaching than she thought she would but it’s a blessing. She loves the challenge but it does make for some long days for her and you can imagine how tiring it is working with junior high students all day. Please pray that God keeps giving her strength and that she’s able to maintain her health.

I’m doing well. I’m hitting seven years at my current job. God has blessed me greatly with good co-workers, a nice salary with insurance & 401K plan, and some vacation time. 

Tina and I will be celebrating our 10 year anniversary in December and so I’m trying to plan a special time for us to get away for a night or two. We’ll see what happens but I’m sure it will be nice.

I give God thanks for all He has done in our lives and what He has planned for us in the future. We continue to pray for His guidance in our lives and enjoy seeing Him working in our lives. We know that all things work together for our good because we love Him, because He loved us first.

Worrying Vs. Trusting

I'm not usually one to worry a lot, especially not lose sleep over something. I'm pretty laid back and easy going but I don't usually fret and worry over things. I realize that things are going to work out.

For example, my daughter is starting her Sub-Q IVIG treatments tomorrow and Tina and I are going to learn how to administer them at home. There are some concerns and this is something that I can imagine people worrying about but I'm not. I know God will take care of her and I know everything will work out.

Lately, I've been worrying about something else personal and maybe because it involves me directly and I can imagine a number of different scenarios of how things could play out and I don't trust the people involved, I'm worried. I'm losing sleep over it and I just can't seem to stop thinking about it, especially when I'm laying down to sleep. I just keep turning everything over and over in my head wondering how things are going to work out. It's very possible I have nothing to worry about and it's very possible that I should be worried. I'm really not sure.

I keep telling myself, "God's in control" and "Everything works out to the glory of God" and "All things work together for good to those who trust in Him" and "Trust God, He knows what he's doing" and any other Christian euphemism that we were all taught while growing up. My heart knows I can trust God but my worry gets in the way.

It is easy to trust God when everything is going well or it doesn't involve you. It's easy to encourage others to put their trust and faith in God when it's them that is going through the trial. What's tough is when you're going through your own trial.

I thought today that it's easy for me to trust God. I've done that my entire life. That's what I've been taught. It's what I believe and know deep down know it to be true. I don't get too worried about too many things. Part of it is just my personality.

What occurred to me today is that maybe God needs to remind me and teach me in a personal way that He is in control. Everything could just fall apart and that's ok. I know who my heavenly Father is and I know He loves and cares for me more that I do for my own kids, and that's a lot. Some lessons from God need to be learned first-hand. God had to bring something close and personal into my life to remind me that I can trust Him.

I'll admit that I'm probably not over worrying and maybe losing more sleep but while I'm struggling with that, my thoughts are more on Him. I keep reminding myself of His promises in Scripture that He loves me. He'll never forsake me and that no matter what happens, He'll take care of me. I wouldn't be reminding myself of His promises if I wasn't struggling with worry.

Bringing trials into our lives is God's way of getting us to come to Him. My prayer is asking God for strength and wisdom to go through this and in the process, learning to trust Him more.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

First of all, "the Good" is that the insurance approved Aria's treatments and on Thursday's, for the next couple of weeks, Tina and I will be going to the doctor's office to learn how to give Aria her sub-q IVIG treatments to help her with her autoimmune issues.

"The Ugly" is related to the first in that Aria will be receiving these treatments once a week for probably the rest of her life. Since it's a blood issue and comes from donors, we'll always have to carry an epinephrine injection device in case she ever has an allergic reaction to her treatments. 

"The bad" is news is that we have a bunch of bees making a home in the overhang of our home (basically the attic) and we had to schedule with a pest control company to get them removed and then repair the hole they're going to put in the trusses of the roof to remove the beehive.

The other "good" and "bad" news is that we've been trying to refinance our home for the past month but the VA is really causing some issues. The good news is that if we can get this complete our interest rate will be at 3.25% and we'll be able to skip a mortgage payment. The bad news is that the skipped mortgage payment was going to be used toward things we need but now for getting rid of the bees.

It all seems so overwhelming but God is good and has always taken care of us. He's always supplied our needs and He won't stop now.

Praise the Lord for all "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly." 

Birthday Wishes Do Come True

A month ago, Suzanna came home and said that for her birthday she really wanted a dog. She would take care of it and everything and she didn't care what kind it was or anything but the top of her list for her birthday was a dog. My wife and I talked about it and we talked to Suzanna about it and said it probably was not going to happen and if it did it would probably be a Christmas present to since that was a big request. She didn't care.

Every once in a while she'd bring it up but made sure we knew she understood if we couldn't do it. Well, today, her wish came true. While Tina was out with our youngest, Aria, running errands, Tina came across an adoption event and found the cutest dog named Sally that she thought would get along great with our other dog, Charlie, and that Suzanna would just love.

Here is Suzanna's birthday wish. Sally is a little scared right now and didn't quite know what to do and Charlie was quite surprised also but we hope they'll soon be best friends.

She's a 2 year old Dachshund, housebroken (we were told), and she loves to sit on your lap. Yes, we know the dog collar is ugly and it has already been replaced and she's been given a name tag with our info in case she gets out.

The kids love her and Charlie (our half Dachshund/half German Shepherd mix) dog is getting used to her. I'm sure she'll love her new home when she gets a little more comfortable with her new surroundings.