Sue Anderson's Birthday today - RIP

My mom would have been 73 years old today. I always remember the year because she used to say that it took 4 days for the effect of her birth to reach Hawaii. I guess it was her way of remembering one of the biggest events to happen during her lifetime, the bombing of Pearl Harbor.

I remember sitting in class at school one day and the teacher mentioned the date of the bombing of Pearl Harbor and I had an epiphany. I remember thinking, "My mom's 40 years old!" At that age, 40 seemed old and a long ways away.

She's been gone for twenty years but I still miss her and wish she was around to see her grandchildren.

If you knew Sue, my mom, would you respond to this post and tell a short story about her or something that you remember about her?

HOPE KIDS - Restoring Hope. Transforming Lives.

My daughter, Aria, is a Hope Kid and I want to say how glad we are to be a part of such a great organization. Hope Kids is a non-profit group that helps families who have children with severe health problems be able to go out as a family and enjoy time together. Anyone who has had health expenses knows that usually the first thing to go is any sort of recreation or family fun time together because the family can’t afford.

This organization allows families to have fun together without have to worry about the expense of it, except for the gas to get there. We’ve been a part of several activities in the past four months since we joined. A couple times we went to family fun center where the families were treated to a movie, bowling, laser tag, and a free game card for each child in the family.

This past weekend we went to a family carnival that was sponsored by a local preparatory academy where the families had access to free food, lots and lots of games, face painting, music, zip line, bouncy house, and lots of prizes. It was a great afternoon that we were able to spend with our family that we would not have been able to enjoy without being a part of Hope Kids.

In December, they will be hosting a Christmas party where all Hope Kids will get a day of fun with snow, Santa, and a gift individualized for each Hope Kid.  It's going to be a real fun event for the families.

THANK YOU, HOPE KIDS!!

Our Dark Cloud OR God's Plan

Last week I had to tell my boss about going out of town in June for the trial in NH and I gave him a quick rundown of Tina's life and what we've been through over the past four years of churches, media, trials, etc. He said, "that beautiful, young woman who I met a couple weeks ago has gone through all that?" I said, "yes, she's beautiful and she's been through that and much more. I'm just giving you the Reader's Digest version."

He's been my manager for the past nine months and so he's been told about Aria's five surgeries since last October and what she's been through. He's extremely amazed at our strong, sweet, little girl whom he met once when she came to my job.

He knows that we're in the middle of trying to sell our house to pay down some our debt.

On Friday, I told him that our dog's not doing well and we may have to put him down. He doesn't know yet that we did it. He was just amazed at one more thing going "wrong" in our lives. He joked that we have a "dark cloud" over our lives and moved himself back from desk.

I thought about that and I can see why people might wonder how we keep our sanity. On some days, it's not easy.

I don't see this as a "dark cloud." No, it's not easy or pleasant but it's life. It's the path that God has given us to walk and we won't turn back and we won't sit on the sidelines and we won't quit.

Here's what I believe.

1. This is God's way of showing us that He's in control.
2. This is God's chance to show us His grace worked out in our lives.
3. This is God's method of bringing Himself glory.
4. This is God preparing us for the future and what else He has planned for us.
5. Our lives reflect God's control, His grace, His glory, and God's working in our life to our friends, co-workers, and relatives, if we allow it through our faithfulness and willingness to accept and do what God has set before us.

Isn't that what life's about? Yesterday, the youth pastor made a great point as he preached to our church. He said, "God's not just a part of your life, He is your life."

My prayer is that as our family goes through the trials of life, or as some people may see as a "dark cloud," that they see God's Hand. They see a witness of God's power and grace and that God is magnified through our lives by us being faithful to Him.

VALENTINE'S DAY 2014 - My Favorite One - so far

On February 14^th, my wife and I had plans to go out for dinner. Our two oldest children were at a church activity for a couple of hours and we had a friend at our house ready to watch Aria. It had only been one week since Aria’s brain surgery but she loves our friend and we thought it would be fine.

As we tried to leave, she starts begging us not to go. She’s clinging to us and didn’t want us to leave her. So, my wife came up with a brilliant idea of ordering some food and having Aria be our waitress and include her in our romantic evening.

I headed out to Pei Wei to pick up a couple dinners to bring back. While I was gone, my wife set up a small table with candles in the front room. When I came home, we sat down and Aria came to take our order and asked us what we wanted to drink. She brings our drinks and then takes our food order. Our friend helps her put food on the plates and she brings us our food. Every few minutes she would come in and ask us if we need anything more to drink or some more food.

She was so cute. It was great to be able to include her in our special evening. After we were done, she asked if we’d like to go to a private room to snuggle and kiss. She was coached by our friend but it was really sweet. She walked us upstairs to our room and then went back downstairs to be with our friend.

We didn't get to be alone too long because we had to go pick up the kids from church and then we all headed to the airport to pick up my sister, Tammy, who was coming into town to spend a week with us.

Overall, it was just a great and wonderful evening and definitely one to remember.

MOM

It's not Mother's Day but I've been thinking about my mom quite a bit last week. When I think of my mom, I think of Sue, my second mom. I don't think of her as my step-mom. She's not the one who gave birth to me but she's the one that raised me.

My mom would have been 72 on Dec. 3rd. She used to make the statement that it took four days for the results of her birth to reach Pearl Harbor. It's also the way I remember when she was born.

I was watching a silly sitcom and there was some friction between the grandma and the step-mom over who deserved the "mom" necklace made out of macaroni by the three year old girl. The grandma who helped raise her the first couple years or the step-mom who had married the father. As most sitcoms do, it all worked out well and they were with all the people who cared about each other and that made them a family.

Earlier that night, before we watched that sitcom, our family was setting up the Christmas tree. The kids started singing and my wife sang a little and I remember thinking that my mom would have loved singing Christmas songs with my kids.

Can I be honest and tell you that I'm upset that my mom's not here to see her grandkids and that my kids don't get to know their grandma? She's been gone over 18 years now. I missed her when I was single but I miss her even more now that I have kids.

I am comforted by the fact that I'll see her again in heaven. I know that here on earth her life was miserable and that she's happy now. There's still a part of me that wishes she could be here to celebrate Christmas with her son (the one she raised as if she'd given birth to him) and his family.

Moms are special and I'm glad my kids get to enjoy the holidays with their mom.

CHALLENGES

#1 My Daughter’s Surgery this Week

This week my youngest is going in for her second brain surgery to address her Chiari Malformation. She had this done back in June of 2012. She’s really strong and did really well the last time and so I’m praying that it goes really well this time also.

I know we're very anxious about it but I told my wife last night that God loves Aria more than we do. I know that He has her in His hands and He will take care of her. I have faith in my heavenly Father.

#2 Our Children’s Behavior

It’s not easy to go through and I know it really wears on our family. My wife says that she can tell that it’s bothering the kids. When she drops off the kids for school, Aria does not want to go unless mommy promises to come to school early in the afternoon to be with her in the classroom. I’m very thankful that Tina is able to do that, although I know that puts a strain on Tina to get the things done she wants to do for the day.

Suzanna and Haydn have been acting up a little more than normal. Tina thinks it’s because they’re bothered by all that’s going on with Aria. She’s probably correct but it could also be their way of attracting attention since Aria gets the most due to all her medical treatments and we cater to Aria because of how much she goes through on a daily basis.

Have you ever been at a loss on how to correct your children’s behavior?

Have you ever felt like a failure because your child just can’t seem to control him/herself?

Do you ever worry that you, as a parent, must be doing something wrong when your kids just can’t seem to listen?

Probably not and it’s just me but that is some of the challenges that I face when it comes to our kids’ behavior.

#3 Finances

Bills are always a stress and if it’s not one thing, it’s another. Medical bills come in the mail on a regular basis. Our car was hit a couple weeks ago and we had to come up with the $500 deductible plus 20% of the cost of a week’s rental on a car. I had to replace all four tires on my car about two months ago.

BUT, God is good!!

1. I have a job that pays most of the bills.
2. Tina works some and does what she can to bring in some money.
3. Tina is awesome at saving money and finding that bargain. For example, this week on three different occasions she’s saved between 65 and 85% at the grocery store.
4. Our kids have more than enough to eat and clothes to wear.
5. We live in a nice house that God allowed us to refinance last year that lowered our mortgage.

I’m sure I could go on but I’ll stop at that for now.

#4 Faith

Do you ever wonder why God allows bad things to happen to people, especially people who believe and put their trust in Him?

I know people who are struggling with or deny that there is a God because it can be hard to believe in a good, loving God when all you see is bad things happening all around.

It's especially hard when bad things happen to yourself and/or your family. We've all wondered how God could allow such a thing to happen. Doesn't God love us? Couldn't have God stopped it?

Faith can be a challenge but I believe Roman 8:28 when it says, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."


Challenges are a part of life. The challenges that come into our lives should help remind us to focus on Him. That's not always easy because we like to focus on ourselves.

Let's remember what James 1:2-5 says, "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,
for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him."

Aria - Denver outcome & future surgeries

It’s been quite a couple months. In August, Tina took Aria to Jewish National Hospital in Denver. After lots of tests and meeting with doctors and several procedures, Aria was diagnosed with asthma, gastroesophageal reflux disease, equivocal laryngeal cleft type 1, and chronic rhinitis.

Rhinitis is a medical term for irritation and inflammation of the mucous membrane inside the nose.

Gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD), gastro-oesophageal reflux disease (GORD), gastric reflux disease, or acid reflux disease is a chronic symptom of mucosal damage caused by stomach acid coming up from the stomach into the esophagus.

A laryngeal cleft or laryngotracheoesophageal cleft is a rare congenital abnormality in the posterior laryngo-tracheal wall. It occurs in approximately 1 in 10,000 to 20,000 births. It means there is a gap between the oesophagus and trachea, which allows food or fluid to pass into the airway.

The first two we knew about but the cleft was a surprise and might be causing some of the fat in her lungs but we’re doing the stomach surgery first and monitor her condition afterwards and if necessary they’ll fix the cleft but it’s high enough that it might not be an issue. We’ll see.

On Oct 8th, Aria will be having a fundoplication, where the gastric fundus (upper part) of the stomach is wrapped, or plicated, around the lower end of the esophagus and stitched in place, reinforcing the closing function of the lower esophageal sphincter.

Whenever the stomach contracts, it also closes off the esophagus instead of squeezing stomach acids into it. This prevents the reflux of gastric acid (in GERD).

We also had another CT scan recently and it’s showing that Aria’s Chiari is affecting her again with little fluid flow between her spine and her brain which is causing more and more headaches and could lead to other problems also.

We are planning on her having another brain surgery before the end of the year to help release the pressure again. We thought it was a “one and done” thing but the new doctor says that he’s been known to do four or five on children as they continue to grow through childhood. I hope it’s not that many and we’ll let you know when her brain surgery is going to happen but my guess would be around Thanksgiving or Christmas break to try and minimize how much school she misses. She’s already missed a lot so far.

Haydn's Baptism

Tonight I was able to baptize Haydn. It's such a great experience to get a chance to baptize your own children. I baptized Suzanna a couple of years ago and I might get to baptize Aria in the next year or two.

I tried to upload a video but it's not working. You can see it on my FB page. 

HEALTH – It’s been rough this past week

Last week started well with my birthday on Feb. 4^th but went down from there, health wise. Aria’s surgery to remove the puss pocket from her sinuses was scheduled for Friday morning. I took the day off so that I could take Haydn and Suzanna to school. I ended up taken Haydn to the doctor instead because he’d been complaining of not feeling well for a day or two. It turned out that he had an ear infection, possible strep throat, and pimple near his mouth that turned out to be MRSA. Later that day we took in Suzanna to the doctor because she’s had a persistent cough that the antibiotics that she had been on a week earlier had not cured.

So, by Friday night, all three of our kids were on medication for one thing or another. Aria was on pain meds from the surgery. Haydn and Suzanna went on antibiotics. We also had to deal with Haydn’s MRSA and that was not fun, especially for him. It’s a very painful process of removing the infection.

We decided that everyone was staying home for the weekend and so the kids we stuck watching TV, playing video and board games, and reading. They did pretty well for being cooped up for almost 48 hours straight. 

We sent Suzanna and Haydn to school Monday morning but Aria developed a bad cough and so we kept her home and now she’s on another round of steroids to help her increase her lung function. Hopefully she’ll feel well enough for school today.


UPDATE (TUES. NIGHT) - And now Tina is coming down with something. She's running a fever, can't seem to get warm, & went to bed early. We'll see what happens tomorrow. 

ANOTHER UPDATE - It turned out that Tina has Bronchitis and a sinus infection. So, she's on medication also.


We'd appreciate your prayers for the health of our family and the ability to pay the doctor bills. Thank you!! 

Our 2012 Christmas

Due to our family situation, our Christmas is spread out over a few days. Typically, we'll allow the kids to start opening presents a couple days before Christmas so that they get to enjoy each present instead of being flooded with lots of them all at one time. It makes Christmas last longer.

Our typical schedule is to go to Tina's dad's house on Christmas Eve and spend time with him, his wife, and an assortment of kids, grandkids, friends, and friend's kids. You just never know who'll be there but it's a good time. On Christmas Day we'll open presents at home and then in the afternoon we'll go over to some friends of my family that are honorary grandparents to our children.

This year was a little different and our celebrations were spread out even more. On Sunday, two days before Christmas, we went over to Tina's dad's house and celebrated an early Christmas. There were six adults and about seven kids. We had a great time.

 

On Christmas Eve, we opened a couple presents and hung around the house not doing too much. That night we went to our church for the annual Christmas Eve celebration that we usually miss because we're usually with family. It was a great service and part of it is our pastor reading a Christmas story to the kids.

 

On Christmas was more presents and having a good time together as a family.

 

Since we were not able to go to Grandma and Grandpa Key's house on Christmas like usual, we headed over there the day after Christmas.

Christmas at DSC 2012

We go to Desert Springs Church in Chandler. We love it!! I just wanted to share some of the events that our kids have been involved in this Christmas. I hope you can see why we love it.

The Children's Choir

(my daughter, Aria, has her hand over her mouth)

The Children's Christmas Production

My daughter, Suzanna, being a great angel with lots of enthusiasm.

And the snow brought in that leads to snow ball fights.

Duty Over Desire

How many times do we do something because we should do something and not because we want to do something? We all have. We do it on a regular basis. 

What if our sense of duty is over-sensitive? What if we feel we should do something but others would understand if we didn’t do them? Or, maybe they wonder why we do it. 

I keep telling my wife that we need to go see my dad. This is not something I WANT to do. It’s something I feel that I NEED to do. As his son, I feel that I have to go. I don’t really like going but I think I should.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love my dad. I always will. I actually like seeing him and knowing that he’s doing as well as possible. I just hate going to where my dad lives. I don’t like having to spend more time traveling to and from than the time spent sitting in a visiting room with him. If he lived closer, such as Florence, it wouldn’t be such a big deal to visit him.

Here is the usual trip to see my dad and why I dread it every time. We’ll leave early on a Saturday morning. We spend about three hours driving to the Az State Prison that is south of Yuma, almost into Mexico. When we get there, we park, empty our pockets of everything except ID and about $20 in quarters. We get sniffed by drug detection dogs and then we board a bus driven by one of the prisoners. We go to my dad’s unit and check in. We go through a metal detector, through two steel doors to get to the visiting room filled with tables and chairs, and we wait for them to call him from his cell. 

Depending on our timing, we’ll wait about 15 to 45 minutes for him to show up. It depends if we get there before the changing of the guards. The visitation room is about 100’ by 40’ with a bathroom for guests and one for inmates. You can go outside on the patio (concrete slab with some metal picnic tables) that’s about the same size as the room but it’s surrounded by a 15’ high chain link fence and razor wire on top.

There is usually about 50-75 visitors in the visitation room and concrete slab. Visitation is over at 4pm and so we are usually sitting around a table talking, playing games with pieces missing, reading children’s books, and eating food out of vending machines. We’re not allowed to bring in food or anything else. We’re allowed to bring in $10 per person in quarters to use in the overpriced vending machines but I think the most we’ve every brought in was $30 and it goes fairly quickly.

The kids actually enjoy it, which surprises me. At first, they didn’t realize where they were going or why they had to go through all the security. It was just the place where grandpa lived. We’ve tried to go every six months but it’s been a year now and I’m sure my dad’s anxious to see us. I know the kids want to see him. I wrote a while back that the kids know where he lives and why he’s there. I’m guessing that he’ll get more questions this time.

My dad usually has an agenda about what he wants to talk about. He’s been working on a book for the past 15 years and is in the process of trying to get it published. We started visiting him as a family seven years ago when we moved to Phoenix. We had to encourage him to play and read to the kids. They like playing games with him from the wooden box full of misused games and missing pieces.

So, basically, Tina and I sit there while my kids play with grandpa. On several trips, one of the kids gets sick on the way there or on the way home. A year ago, Aria threw up on my shirt in the lobby while waiting to get in the visiting room. Fortunately, it smelled like the chocolate donut she had just eaten. I didn’t have a clean shirt and I was not going home after that long trip and so I held Aria for six hours in the visiting room until our visit was over.

After our visit, we climb in our car, go through security to be sure we’re not hiding a prisoner, and we head home. It’s just a really long day. We’ve tried different things to make it better, such as driving over on Friday night and spending the night in a hotel and going in the morning. The last few times we’ve done without the hotel because it just bumps up the cost of the trip and it just costs too much money.

Here’s how it boils down. We try to go every six months and I’m glad that we get to see him but every six months when we start planning on when to go, I dread it. It’s just not an enjoyable trip and it costs money that we really don’t have but it’s something that I feel I need to do, that I should do, and so I go out of duty instead of desire. I’m glad when it’s over because I won’t think about going for another six months. In the end, I’m glad I go and the kids are glad they see grandpa, and I’m thankful to Tina for putting up with it all. 

Is it bad to do something you should do out of duty instead of desire?

Should I feel bad about not wanting to make that trip to Yuma more than twice a year?

Should I feel guilty that I don’t see him more than twice a year?