Sue Anderson's Birthday today - RIP

My mom would have been 73 years old today. I always remember the year because she used to say that it took 4 days for the effect of her birth to reach Hawaii. I guess it was her way of remembering one of the biggest events to happen during her lifetime, the bombing of Pearl Harbor.

I remember sitting in class at school one day and the teacher mentioned the date of the bombing of Pearl Harbor and I had an epiphany. I remember thinking, "My mom's 40 years old!" At that age, 40 seemed old and a long ways away.

She's been gone for twenty years but I still miss her and wish she was around to see her grandchildren.

If you knew Sue, my mom, would you respond to this post and tell a short story about her or something that you remember about her?

MOM

It's not Mother's Day but I've been thinking about my mom quite a bit last week. When I think of my mom, I think of Sue, my second mom. I don't think of her as my step-mom. She's not the one who gave birth to me but she's the one that raised me.

My mom would have been 72 on Dec. 3rd. She used to make the statement that it took four days for the results of her birth to reach Pearl Harbor. It's also the way I remember when she was born.

I was watching a silly sitcom and there was some friction between the grandma and the step-mom over who deserved the "mom" necklace made out of macaroni by the three year old girl. The grandma who helped raise her the first couple years or the step-mom who had married the father. As most sitcoms do, it all worked out well and they were with all the people who cared about each other and that made them a family.

Earlier that night, before we watched that sitcom, our family was setting up the Christmas tree. The kids started singing and my wife sang a little and I remember thinking that my mom would have loved singing Christmas songs with my kids.

Can I be honest and tell you that I'm upset that my mom's not here to see her grandkids and that my kids don't get to know their grandma? She's been gone over 18 years now. I missed her when I was single but I miss her even more now that I have kids.

I am comforted by the fact that I'll see her again in heaven. I know that here on earth her life was miserable and that she's happy now. There's still a part of me that wishes she could be here to celebrate Christmas with her son (the one she raised as if she'd given birth to him) and his family.

Moms are special and I'm glad my kids get to enjoy the holidays with their mom.

LETTER (& APOLOGY) TO MY MOM

You’ve been gone for almost 18 years now and I still miss you very much. I doubt that will ever go away. Although you did not give birth to me, I think of you as my mom and I’ll always love you. There was a brief period during fourth grade that I was not happy you were my mom and you almost died and I told my teacher that it didn’t matter because my dad would just remarry. I apologize for being insensitive but I know you never held that against me. You always loved me like I was biologically yours.

There is one thing that has bothered me for almost 20 years and I want to ask your forgiveness for something that happened a couple years before you died. I said something to you without knowing what I was talking about and wish I could go back in time and take it back. I wish I could have been more supportive of you but I didn’t know. I know ignorance is not a good excuse but I was insensitive and I didn’t realize it at the time. I see things much more clearly in hindsight and if you were here, I’d apologize in person. 

I don’t remember all the details but something happened between you and dad while I was visiting and I came up to you and said, “You just have to understand where dad’s coming from” or something similar about needing to understand her husband. I thought I understood my dad because I thought I was a lot like him and that you just didn’t understand. Looking back I realize that I was the one who didn’t understand and you understood all too well and that’s why you stood there and cried in the kitchen. I wish I had supported you and not questioned your wisdom and understanding.

Please forgive me for not realizing the pain that dad put you through for most of your marriage to him. I know you kept it to yourself and endured quietly in pain. I know I couldn’t have done much about it except pray. I believe God answered my prayer when God took you home but I’ll tell you that story some other time.

I’ve cried because I’ve missed you and can’t talk to you any more but I’ve always been happy for you that you’re now “home,” happy, and content, something you didn’t have much of while here on earth.

The only reason I’d wish you back here is to meet my family. I wish I could introduce you to my wife and your three grandchildren. It’s just been the past few months that we’ve had to start explaining why you’re not here. They know you died but don’t know the details. As they get older we’ll explain more but for now we’ll share as they ask questions.

I know you’ll be glad that the Key’s have become Grandma and Grandpa in your place. They do a great job and have really shown love and support to our family and we really appreciate them. I know you’re not surprised by this.

I can’t wait to see you some day. Can you say “hi” to my mother for me? I’d like to think that you two are worshiping our Creator together. I’m looking forward to the time when I can do that with both of you. 

You’re always in my thoughts. I love you!

Your son,

Tim