Feeling like a MAN

Where is that point in life when a boy becomes a man? Maybe it’s a process and it happens over time or there are junctions in life that you become more man-like. I’m not sure. There are times in my life when I can point to that I could use to say, “That’s when I become a man.” 

Is it when I turned 18 or maybe six months later when I started to attend college? It didn’t feel like it. I still lived at home, went to the same church, went to the church’s college, and still had the same job that I had while a senior in high school. Nothing really changed except my age.

How about when I was 20, joined the Marine Corps, went through boot camp, went to military school, and reported in to my MC Reserve center? If I was to pick a time that I became a man it would be when I finished boot camp but after it was all said and done, I came back and lived at home and attended the same church. Nothing really changed except that I now had military duty once a month.

How about the following year when I finally moved out of my parents’ house?  This is a good time to think of myself as a man. I took on all the responsibilities of being an adult. I paid rent, bought food, had a job, had a girlfriend, and was free from my parents’ authority. I could definitely feel like a man now but I always felt like my parents’ child even though they didn’t control me.

What about the time I headed off to war when I was 23 (I turned 24 in Saudi Arabia) during Desert Shield, which turned into Desert Storm? That’s definitely something that should make me feel like a man. When I was leaving, it was the first and only time that I remember my dad saying to me, “I’m proud of you, son.” To me, that may stand out as the time I realized my dad thought of me as a man.

Could it be when I finally got married at 35? What about when I had my first child at 36 and my youngest at 40? There's no doubt that I was a man by this time in my life but did I become more of a man at this time?

I guess you could say that each step made me the man that I am today. There are numerous ways that people will judge manhood and all of these are milestones and could be said that at this specific time I became a man. 

Today we don't have a rite of passage from being a boy to being acknowledged as a man. I know it's important for me to help my son to become a man but it has occurred to me that I can help my son realize when I see him as a man. Why should a man go through life wondering if they've achieved manhood and that others look at him as a man. I believe a man should be able to look back and say, "That's when I became a man. That's when my dad accepted me as a man."