LETTER (& APOLOGY) TO MY MOM

You’ve been gone for almost 18 years now and I still miss you very much. I doubt that will ever go away. Although you did not give birth to me, I think of you as my mom and I’ll always love you. There was a brief period during fourth grade that I was not happy you were my mom and you almost died and I told my teacher that it didn’t matter because my dad would just remarry. I apologize for being insensitive but I know you never held that against me. You always loved me like I was biologically yours.

There is one thing that has bothered me for almost 20 years and I want to ask your forgiveness for something that happened a couple years before you died. I said something to you without knowing what I was talking about and wish I could go back in time and take it back. I wish I could have been more supportive of you but I didn’t know. I know ignorance is not a good excuse but I was insensitive and I didn’t realize it at the time. I see things much more clearly in hindsight and if you were here, I’d apologize in person. 

I don’t remember all the details but something happened between you and dad while I was visiting and I came up to you and said, “You just have to understand where dad’s coming from” or something similar about needing to understand her husband. I thought I understood my dad because I thought I was a lot like him and that you just didn’t understand. Looking back I realize that I was the one who didn’t understand and you understood all too well and that’s why you stood there and cried in the kitchen. I wish I had supported you and not questioned your wisdom and understanding.

Please forgive me for not realizing the pain that dad put you through for most of your marriage to him. I know you kept it to yourself and endured quietly in pain. I know I couldn’t have done much about it except pray. I believe God answered my prayer when God took you home but I’ll tell you that story some other time.

I’ve cried because I’ve missed you and can’t talk to you any more but I’ve always been happy for you that you’re now “home,” happy, and content, something you didn’t have much of while here on earth.

The only reason I’d wish you back here is to meet my family. I wish I could introduce you to my wife and your three grandchildren. It’s just been the past few months that we’ve had to start explaining why you’re not here. They know you died but don’t know the details. As they get older we’ll explain more but for now we’ll share as they ask questions.

I know you’ll be glad that the Key’s have become Grandma and Grandpa in your place. They do a great job and have really shown love and support to our family and we really appreciate them. I know you’re not surprised by this.

I can’t wait to see you some day. Can you say “hi” to my mother for me? I’d like to think that you two are worshiping our Creator together. I’m looking forward to the time when I can do that with both of you. 

You’re always in my thoughts. I love you!

Your son,

Tim