The "ME" Years

Unfortunately, I did my own thing for a while and had no real direction in life. The first half of the “ME” years was me moving out, serving in the military, and working. The second half started after getting back from Desert Storm in ‘91 and getting settled back down into the grind of life. I finished out my time with the Marine Corps and got out in Sept. ’92. I went back to my old job at Metagram, located near Baseline and the I-10, and started a part-time night job at Walgreens at Baseline and Hardy. During this time, my car stopped working and I didn’t have the money to fix it and so for a few years I had various modes of getting to work, such as walking a mile to the bus stop and taking that to work and then roller-blade to my next job and then roller-blade home. I did this for a couple years. There was a while when I just roller-bladed both ways.

For a while after coming home, I did go to church and hung out with some of the singles. We’d party on Saturday night and go to church on Sunday. My friend, Code, who was in the Marine Corps with me, came to church and got saved but beyond that nothing much spiritual happened. After a while, with working so much, I didn’t make room for church or God and I just quit going. The amazing thing is that I always had a quiet little voice telling me that I wasn’t doing right. I wasn’t doing what I’d been taught but I ignored that voice but the Holy Spirit never ignored me. He never gave up on me and I’m sure that had a lot to do with not only my guilty conscience but also the prayers of my mom.

You might expect me to tell you that life was terrible but in reality, it wasn’t. I could barely pay the bills. I didn’t have a girlfriend or date, although that would have been nice. Code and I became best friends and we did just about everything together. We made a memorable trip to Vegas one time to meet another MC buddy who said he’d show us around. I made about $100 at the slots. That was cool but mostly we just worked, hung out, played pool, watched movies, played Nintendo, and other stuff.

A couple years went by and I decide it was time for me to go back to church. I showed up at Tri-City but felt judged because I was not a good Christian. I knew I wasn’t spiritual but I wanted to change. I felt I should have been accepted for where I was spiritually not for where they thought I should be. I didn’t go back and didn’t think about going to any church for another six months. But the Holy Spirit would let me go and I kept being urged to go to church. I finally decided to look for one and showed up at First Baptist Church of Tempe. After going a couple Sundays, I decided to go to the singles Sunday school class. This was a great class with a great teacher and I met a lot of great singles. Over the next year or two, God used this church to do a work in my heart. I started having an interest in spiritual things again. I desired to learn and grow. This is the church where I was challenged to “prayer and fasting.” I was encouraged to listen to God’s voice and obey. This was the church that helped me get back on track to wanting to serve God with my life.

I met numerous mature married couples but there were two that had the biggest impact on my life. One was the Sunday school teacher & his wife and the other was Lee and Faye. When I felt God calling me to go back to school, Lee and Faye said that “God can only direct your path if you’re moving your feet.” I loved that and still believe it’s true. They opened up their home to me about six months later during my family’s tragedy, but more on that in the future.

In 1994, I packed my car and moved to Pensacola, FL. But that’s a whole ‘nother story that I’ll tell at another time but it ended the “ME” years in search of pursuing God’s purpose in my life.

Finally Home - after Desert Storm

We finally arrived home, the U.S., but we still had to process from active duty to reserve duty. We were allowed to come back to our homes in AZ for a few days but then had to go back to Camp Pendleton for a couple of weeks. There wasn’t much for us to do and so most days we’d do whatever the MC needed us to do and then we’d be off for the day. There were some days when we’d be heading off-base by 9 or 10 am. We’d make different trips throughout CA. Some brought cars back from AZ to drive and others rented a car. I’d usually go off with a friend or two. One day, my friend and I decided to go to Magic Mountain. What we didn’t know is that they were only open on the weekends. On the way back got off at the Hollywood exit and drove through Chinatown and then parked on Hollywood Boulevard and walked on the “stars.” I bought a black soft leather jacket that I wore for almost 15 years. While walking around we were invited to go to one of the Hollywood studios to be part of a test pilot group to evaluate a possible new show. It was a love reality show. I’m not sure if it ever made it on the air.

Later that week we did make it to Magic Mountain. While in CA, we also went to Disneyland, downtown LA, and a few other places. We had a great time before we finally headed back home to AZ. Now that I was home, I lived with my parents for about six weeks until I found an apartment a couple miles away on Mill Rd & the US60 in Tempe and I lived there for the next five years. Thus ended another chapter in my life and the beginning of another.

Forgotten God by Francis Chan

I would encourage you to read this book. As I was reading, I pulled out some quotes that I found interesting. We know that the Holy Spirit indwells us at salvation but we still try to do things in our own strength. This book encourages us to depend on the Holy Spirit and see what He can do through us so that God gets the glory and not us.


INTRODUCTION
"...get churchgoers to ignore the Holy Spirit. The degree to which this has happened (and I would argue that it is a prolific disease in the body of Christ) is directly connected to the dissatisfaction most of us feel with and in the church."

"And perhaps the core issue is really about our holding back from giving ourselves to God, rather than our getting "too much" of Him."

CHAPTER 1

"Had I ever sat down with the Bible and sought after its self-evident truth? Or had I passively ingested what I heard from other people...?"

CHAPTER 2

"Fear has a way of channeling our thought process. Fear of stepping outside of a certain theological framework causes us to be biased in our interpretations. We work diligently to "prove" that our presuppositions were correct (another example of eisegesis) rather than simply and honestly pursuing truth."

"There is a huge difference between believing what God has promised and praying for things you'd like to be true."

"When we become overly concerned about our appearance, our spiritual reputation, our coolness, and our acceptance, we are living as citizens of this world rather than as ambassadors."

CHAPTER 3

"I believe that if we truly cared about the Holy Spirit's grief, there would be fewer fights, divorces, and splits in our churches. Maybe it's not due to a lack of belief but rather a lack of concern. I pray for the day when believers care more about the Spirit's grief than their own."

CHAPTER 4

"The Spirit desires to use us when our hearts are aligned with this vision, when we are filled with genuine love for the church, and when we desire to see the church grow in love for God and others."

"I honestly believe that most of us - while we might say we want to be led by the Spirit - are actually scared of this reality."

"Do you believe you exist not for your own pleasure but to help people know the love of Jesus and to come fully alive in Him? If so, then that will shape how you live your life in the place where you are."

"We are most alive when we are loving and actively giving of ourselves because we were made to do these things. It is when we live like this that the Spirit of God moves and acts in and through us in ways that on our own we are not capable of. This is our purpose for living. This is our hope."

CHAPTER 5

Gal. 3 "Christ redeemed us from the curse we were under so that we could receive the promise of the Holy Spirit. The"promised Spirit" is not a small promise. Jesus suffered a grueling death so that I could have the amazing gift of the Holy Spirit. How dare I take this for granted?"

"I wanted to develop a good track record before pursuing my relationship with Him again. I wanted God to see that I could be a good servant. Then I felt good enough to talk with God again. But God didn't want a good slave who tried really heard. He wanted me to see that He was a good Father. He wants intimacy."

CHAPTER 6

"I think a lot of us need to forget about God's will for my life. God cares more about our response to His Spirit's leading today, in this moment, than about what we intend to do next year. In fact, the decisions we make next year will be profoundly affected by the degree to which we submit to the Spirit right now, in today's decisions."

"To be honest, I believe part of the desire to 'know God's will for my life' is birthed in fear and results in paralysis."

"My hope is that instead of searching for 'God's will for my life,' each of us would learn to seek hard after 'the Spirit's leading in my life today.' May we learn to pray for an open and willing heart, to surrender to the Spirit's leading with that friend, child, spouse, circumstance, or decision in our lives right now."

"You don't need the Holy Spirit....
           ...to live a semi-moral life
           ...to attend church regularly"

"You do need the Holy Spirit if you...
           ...truly want to follow the Way of Jesus Christ
           ...desire to "obey everything" He commanded and to teach others the same
           ...genuinely repented and believe
           ...understand that you are called to share in Christ's suffering and death and resurrection
           ...truly believe and have turned from the way you were headed and joined a different Way of living"

" 'Taking up my cross' has become a euphemism for getting through life's typical burdens with a semi-good attitude."

"I don't want my life to be explainable without the Holy Spirit. I want people to look at my life and know that I couldn't be doing this by my own power. I want to live in such a way that I am desperate for Him to come through."

CHAPTER 7

"I don't believe God wants me (or any of His children) to live in a way that makes sense from the world's perspective, a way I know I can 'manage'...He wants us to walk in step with His Spirit rather than depend solely on the raw talent and knowledge He's given us."

"God is not interested in numbers. He cares most about the faithfulness, not the size, of his bride. He cares about whether people are lovers of Him."

"Sometimes I leave Christian events wondering if we resemble the prophets of Baal in 1 Kings 18 more than Elijah, the prophet of God"
      SYNOPSIS
            Prophets of Baal had a loud, passionate worship gathering that lasted from morning till evening but 'no one answered; no one paid attention.'
            Elijah prayed. God hard his prayer, and fire came down from heaven.
            People experienced the power of God and praised HIM not Elijah.

            QUESTION:   When people leave a Christian function, do they talk about the people who

                                    led the event or the power of God?

"What disturbs me most is when we're not really bothered that God living 'in' us has not made much of a noticeable difference."

"We focus on what God wants us to do and forget the kind of people He wants us to be."

"Instead of mustering up more will power, let's focus our energies and time on asking for help from the One who has the power to change us. Let's take the time to ask God to put the fruit of His Spirit into our lives. And let's spend time with the One we want to be more like."

My Tour of Duty

One thing that I learned about war is that it’s not all Hamburger Hill, Saving Private Ryan, We Were Soldiers, or any other numerous war movies that you’ve seen. There are a lot of behind the scene kind of people that help those out in front do their job. It’s still dangerous because you’re in a war zone and it takes a lot for those on the front lines to do their jobs.

My unit’s job was fuel supply. We basically thought of ourselves as glorified gas attendants. We unloaded fuel off the fuel trucks into our “fuel farm” and pumped it up about a mile to the Air Force who was running the flight line. We moved about 500,000 to 750,000 gallons of fuel a day. We had C-130 cargo plans flying in all day and those planes have a 50,000 gallon fuel capacity. We also had fighter planes come in and one time one was on fire and flew over the fuel farm on its way into the runway. That was pretty cool, well, maybe not for the pilot.

I was in a fox hole with an MP with a 50 cal machine gun aimed at the rear gate when we declared war on Iraq. On the radio we listened live to President George Bush’s address. We didn’t know what was going to happen. We expected suicide bombers, trucks driving through the gate to attempt sabotage, or any other form of retaliation. It didn’t happen.

I was at that fuel farm a few weeks and they asked for volunteers to head about 100 miles north, about 30 miles south of the Iraq border and start a new fuel farm at the end of a small runway. Me and about 5 others loaded up our gear and headed to our new “home.” We didn’t see a shower or hot food for about a month. Later on we did hook up with another small unit of about 15. We did a lot of sitting around waiting for things to happen. We supplied fuel to the Air Force and we had fuel trucks coming in and out throughout the day either picking up or dropping off fuel.

A few weeks after being there we heard about a “camp” about 3 miles away that had hot food and showers. Four of us decided to walk there, with permission from our Sgt, of course. As we’re walking across the desert in the middle of nowhere to get over to the camp we have to cross a road. As we’re about to cross a station wagon comes by, stops, asks us where we were going and offers us a ride. He then tells us that he’s from England and he works on the underwater oil rigs for the Saudi Arabians and lives in a compound with some other men right behind the camp. He then offers to take us there for food, shower, and a phone call home. We get there, and to be honest, it was hard to choose to shower first or eat. We all chose shower. We then went to eat. They had a buffet set up (this was normal for the men who lived there) and the cook, who was from the Philippines, had prepared a lot of food. I had some of the best curry that I’ve ever had in my life. I then called home but had to leave a message (answering machine, cell phones weren’t around). Then they took us back to our “home” and offered our small unit to keep coming over, which we did but created a schedule of when we would go over.

The biggest scare we had happened at about 2am when we heard a huge explosion. It turned out to be a scud missile that landed about 5 miles away. It was basically a missile that was pointed in the desired direction and when it ran out of fuel, it fell, hopefully injuring the enemy. We had not built a bunker yet and since we were worried about chemical agents, we put on our gas masks and went back to sleep. I had a short scare because I went to reach for mine next to my bunk and couldn’t find it quickly and had a moment of panic.

At night we could hear a low rumble that sounded like thunder. It turned out to be us bombing the Iraqi’s getting ready to cross the border to kick the Iraqi’s out of Kuwait.

The ground war lasted three days and they surrendered. In March, we packed up our gear. We pumped the fuel that was left into the middle of the desert. We were told that the Saudi’s told us to do it because that’s where it came from in the first place. We headed back south to gather our unit together from all over the country and to prepare to come home by cleaning our gear.

Our group was the first to get to the staging area and one night the captain comes in and asks one of the guys if he had his driver’s license. He said, “no, sir.” He then asked me and I said, “Yes, sir” and he goes, “You’re my new driver.” For the next two weeks I drove the captain wherever he had to go. I’d be up at 7am checking the Humvee and back around 7 or 8pm after stopping at “Camp 5” to get a shower. The other guys had to walk a mile to get a shower.

When it was time, we loaded a 777 civilian transport plane and headed home. We stopped in Belgium and then in Bangor, ME where we had an awesome military welcome home party in the terminal. I got back an hour early to the plane because I wanted to sit up in the cockpit during take-off, which I did. It was awesome and the plane felt like it went straight up in the air and within seconds we were above the clouds. We arrived back in CA and spent the next couple weeks at Camp Pendleton processing out of the military to go back to our reserve unit. All total, I was in Saudi Arabia about three and a half months.

Heading to War

In 1990, Iraq invaded Kuwait and the Middle East was in turmoil. By that summer, our military was deploying to Saudi Arabia. Our goal was going to force Saddam Hussein out of Kuwait and prevent him from invading other countries. Our MC Reserve Unit was on standby and we knew that it was possible that we could be activated for active duty and sent to Saudi Arabia.

The call came the Sunday after Thanksgiving. They reached me at my parents’ house and told me that our unit was being activated and that I had to show up Monday night at our reserve unit for a briefing. My first question after I got off the phone was, “How do you tell your mom that you’re going to war?” It wasn’t easy but I did it and since it was a public meeting, my parents came with me on Monday night.

I found out that I had one week to get my affairs in order and the following Monday, Dec. 3rd, I reported for duty. For the next couple days we showed up at our reserve unit to process from reserve duty to active duty. On Thursday, Dec. 6th, we headed off to MC base Camp Pendleton, CA. My parents came to the send off as we loaded six buses and put all our gear on board. It’s the first time I remember my dad telling me that he was proud of me. I’m not saying he never said it to me but even though this happened over 20 years ago the memory of him saying that to me is very vivid and I remember thinking how proud I was that my dad was proud of me and that I couldn’t remember him ever saying it to me before.

We arrived in CA where we stayed in barracks for the next two weeks doing physicals, getting shots, running, hiking, gas chamber, weapons range, and other various and assorted activities. Overall, we were pretty excited to go. This is what we trained for and now we were on our way. We did get a four day leave during Christmas and my grandparents, who lived in Yucca Valley, CA came to San Diego and picked up me and a friend to spend the holiday with them. They also spent a day or two with me and a friend around New Year’s because we were not allowed to travel anywhere.

January 7, 1991 was the day our unit headed to an AFB and climbed on to a civilian 747 aircraft and headed toward Saudi Arabia. It took us about 24 hours. We made our first stop in New York but we were not allowed to go around the terminal because we had our weapons with us. We got back on the plane and a few hours later at about 2am we landed in Germany where we spent about 2 hours in the USO tent getting refreshments and stretching our legs. We then headed for our final destination, Saudi Arabia. I was awake as we flew over the Swiss Alps at about 7am and the sun barely visible and snow covering everything and small groups of houses alone in the valleys. It was an awesome sight.

We landed at the major airport in El Jabar, Saudi Arabia where most of the military landed and we headed over to the Port of Jabail. We were there for a couple days where our unit was divided up all over the country. I was sent with one group to help run a fuel farm at the end of the runway.

Thus began my tour of duty during Desert Shield/Desert Storm in January 1991.

MUSIC – A Biblical Example for Worship

There are so many thoughts on music and what’s appropriate for the Christian and people teach their “principles” to others and try to use God’s Word to base their rules and guidelines about what is good music, bad music, worshiping music, etc. I was listening through Chronicles and came across a great example of praise and music that was done by one of our heroes of the faith that is often overlooked in certain circles of fundamentalism and so I thought I would point out how worship should be done using a Scriptural example that God was pleased with but not with an observer (who should have been a participant).

I Chronicles 15: 16-29.

                        Vs. 16            Play LOUDLY

                                              Use singers

                                              Use instruments (harps, lyres, cymbals)

                                              Raise sounds of joy

                        Vs. 17-22       Be Organized (people assigned to different instruments, singers, and a director)

                        Vs. 26            Sacrifice

                        Vs. 27            Clothed (robe of fine linen, linen ephod)

                        Vs. 28            Everyone shouting

                                              LOUD music using horns, trumpets, cymbals, harps, and lyres

                        Vs. 29            Dancing

                                              Rejoicing

The Blacksmith's Shop

In the shop of a blacksmith, there are three types of tools. There are tools on the junk pile:
    outdated,
      broken,
        dull,
          rusty.
They sit in the cobwebbed corner, useless to their master, oblivious to their calling.

There are tools on the anvil:
    melted down,
      molten hot,
        moldable,
          changeable.
They lie on the anvil, being shaped by their master, accepting their calling.

There are tools of usefulness:
    sharpened,
      primed,
        defined,
          mobile.
They lie ready in the blacksmith's tool chest, available to their master, fulfilling their calling.

Some people lie useless:
    lives broken,
      talents wasting,
        fires quenched,
          dreams dashed.
They are tossed in with the scrap iron, in desperate need of repair, with no notion of purpose.

Others lie on the anvil:
    hearts open,
      hungry to change,
        wounds healing,
          visions clearing.
They welcome the painful pounding of the blacksmith's hammer, longing to be rebuilt, begging to be called.

Others lie in their Master's hands:
    well tuned,
      uncompromising,
        polished,
          productive.
They respond to their Masters' forearm, demanding nothing, surrendering all.

We are all somewhere in the blacksmith's shop.

Poem by Max Lucado, in his book called, On The Anvil

Prayer and Fasting (final remarks)

Fasting does not have to go with prayer and I only fast occasionally. How you do it is up to you. You could choose not to eat or drink a particular item. You’d also need to chose how long, whether one meal, a day, a week or longer. It’s really up to you and what your body can handle physically and/or the prayer on your heart. When I fast I’ll choose how long it’s going to be and I don’t eat food but I allow myself to drink anything I want. Typically, I’ll limit my drinking to juice and water to maintain some sort of nutrition. On a side note, this is not a diet. Although I have hoped that a byproduct of me not eating would be losing weight, it doesn’t happen. 

I told my two biggest stories of answers to prayer and fasting although I’m sure that there have been others. In the fall of ’95 I had moved back to Pensacola, FL three months earlier and before I started my first year as a college student I spent five days fasting. I’m not sure the specifics of my prayer to God but I felt it necessary as I was starting a new chapter in my life.

There have been days here and there where I would take one to three days in prayer. What I’ve also found interesting is that after I’ve stopped eating for a few days it’s sometimes actually hard to start up again. You have to start fixing food and you haven’t had dirty dishes for a while. Of course, this is different when kids are around because you shouldn’t make them go without food.

The last time I fasted was for Tina during the trial last year. I had determined that I would not eat from the day her trial started until there was a verdict. My prayer was for her, and all those associated with convicting Ernie of rape. You might imagine that I was very glad the verdict came in Friday night and not postponed until Monday. Did my prayers bring a guilty verdict? No, he was guilty and he would have been found that way whether I prayed or not but my prayer was for strength for Tina. I knew that it was going to be a rough, emotional week for her and since I needed to stay home with the kids while she was in NH, I was able to be with her in spirit by praying for her.

If you have never fasted, I would challenge you to try it. Try it for a meal or for a day. The first time I was challenged to do it I was told that a typical fast is three days but I never could have done that the first time. I challenge you to do it because it’s good for you to have more of a focus in your prayer. Pick a purpose for your fasting. Choose the length of time you want to focus on that purpose. It’s not a magic trick and it’s not going to force God to do something for you. Prayer and fasting is for you. It changes you, not God. Allow yourself to be changed.