Laryngomalacia

The bronchoscopy procedure today revealed that Aria has Laryngomalacia. The final results are not in and we don't have all the answers. The doctor is waiting to for the lab results from the biopsies taken before he makes any recommendations.

The vocal chords looked great. 

Her adenoids, which have been removed twice, have grown back and are large.

When we have more answers we'll do an update.

Thank you for your prayers and support!!

Punishment vs. Correction vs. Training (part 1)

I define punishment as the consequences or what you do to someone for doing wrong. Correction is pointing out “why” it was wrong. Training might involve punishment and correction but the purpose is train or teach someone how to do something correctly in the future.

I want to address these towards dealing with children. Any one of these can be taken to the extreme and you can abuse a child. Punishment can be taking too far and physical abuse can happen, even well-intentioned parents and guardians step over the line into abuse. I think that even correction and training can “provoke our children to wrath (Eph.6:4)” or “exasperate our children” if done incorrectly. Basically, if we frustrate and discourage our children, it’s a form of abuse and disobedient to God’s Word. Any of these done in anger might be considered abuse because it’s not done in love. You might say that you’re not doing any of these things if you’re doing it in anger and you might have a valid argument but that’s not my point here.

Can I make a confession? I want immediate obedience. Is that so wrong? Here’s my problem. I know I could beat it into my children. I realized a long time ago that if I wanted to get immediate, first-time obedience, I’d have to abuse my children. I’d have to make them afraid of me and the consequences of what I’d do to them if they didn’t do what I said, immediately. I’d get what I want but at what cost?

A couple of years ago my wife and I decided that spanking would not be the primary form of punishment and have actually stopped using it, although I have threatened it and have used it once or twice since. Our upbringing has heavily influenced our view of corporal punishment. We both were taught that it is the primary method of discipline and so we used it along with other methods that we found effective. My childhood used spanking but it was not abusive. My wife’s childhood was riddled with multiple forms of abuse that caused scars and bodily damage that affects her health even 15 years later.

Here’s what we realized first-hand when we used corporal punishment.

1.          Using it on our oldest daughter was counter-productive. It actually caused her to be more defiant, angry, and didn’t change future behavior.

2.          It was very easy to let your emotions take over and the attempt at loving discipline turn to anger.

3.          It would have been very easy for spanking to lead to physical abuse. Although unintended, emotions running high, anger creeping in, and a defiant child, spanking was one step (or less) away from becoming abusive.

4.          It only demonstrated that I was bigger and stronger and could force (or beat) my children into submission.

5.          In an attempt to “break her will,” I was wounding her “spirit” and not addressing her “heart.”

I came to a couple of conclusions with the physical use of discipline. I could keep going and “break the will” of my children like I was taught or I could try to direct their wills by using other methods. 

If I “broke their will,” I might get the behavior I wanted but there would be some unintended consequences.

1.          It would only last until they were strong enough to exert their own will without me being able to stop them.

2.          The heart could still be rebellious even though the behavior was controlled.

3.          The motivation to do right was based on avoiding negative circumstances instead of a heart’s desire to do right.

4.          They build resentment and anger in their heart to authority.

5.          They develop a negative self-image.

Don’t get me wrong. There is a place for punishment and it’s usually comes in a negative form but if all I give is punishment, than as a parent, I have failed. There is a place for immediate obedience but there is also a time to help them understand. It seems to me that only using spanking or other physical means of punishment is the lazy person’s method to controlling behavior. It’s easy to force your will on your children physically but it takes time to teach them to control their own behavior because that requires time to do correction (telling them “why” it’s wrong) and energy to train (showing them “how” for self-control).

I want to get more into correction and training at another time and then give some examples of what we try to do. We are far from perfect but we’re learning and prayerfully, we’ll be more effective parents.

Aria's Horrible Lung Function

Over the weekend we could see that Aria was just breathing worse and worse and so Tina took her in to see her pulmonologist (lung function doctor) today. When Tina called this morning to explain the symptoms they immediately wanted to see her and she was in to see them within two hours.

Aria had a breathing treatment at home but three hours later, at the doctor's office, when she did the breathing test, she was only at 42% lung function. Right away they gave her two more treatments and she came up about 13%. The doctors are putting her on antibiotics, prednazone, Advair, breathing treatments every 3 hours, along with the other multiple medications she takes every night.

In three weeks, she'll have another assessment and we'll be talking about doing a bronchoscopy, which is a procedure that requires her to be put to sleep and they'll put a tube down her throat into her lungs to try and determine what is causing her poor lung function.

Believe it or not, most people can't tell she's sick unless she really starts running around too much and she starts coughing, which sometimes causes her to puke and then she's off running around again. We see it a lot at night because she does not sleep well. She's tosses around a lot, coughs, and is usually up a couple times a night crawling into bed with us where we can hear her struggle to breath.

Please pray for her that she gets better and pray for the doctors to help figure out how to help her breath better.

UPDATE 8-24-12

She didn't seem to be improving and so Tina took her back into the Pulmonologist and they are putting her on a stronger antibiotic. The blood-work is also showing her immune system is low and they are thinking of having her do IVIG infusions for a while. Next Thursday they are going to do the bronchoscopy. They think that Aria's vocal chords are closing on her because of her prolonged and intense coughing at times and so she might also have to start doing speech therapy, which is to help her breathing and vocal chords.

Positive thing
    -- lung function is better

Negative things
    -- possible regular visits to doctors for...
         -- speech therapy for vocal chords
         -- IVIG infusions for her immune system
    -- bronchoscopy next week
    -- more medication

Pray for....
   -- Aria's healing
   -- wisdom for doctors
   -- finances - insurance is good but past doctors, hospital visits, co-pays, and medicines are not cheap

Praise...
   -- God's always provided
   -- God has protected her
   -- God can heal her
   -- God has plans for her

Health Update

A couple of weeks ago Aria had to back on antibiotics because of a sinus infection. On Monday, her first day of kindergarten, we went to pick up the kids but had to park and go inside because she started having an asthma attack and was in the nurses office getting a breathing treatment. That night she was complaining that her ears hurt and Tina said they did not look good and took her in Tuesday morning. It turns out she developed an ear infection while on antibiotics and is currently taking antibiotics and ear drops. She currently seems to be doing fine.

On Friday, Tina came down sick and so we went to a clinic on Saturday morning and Tina has both an ear and sinus infection and is currently on medication. She's not feeling well at all and has spent most of the time sleeping. I spent Saturday keeping the kids out of the house so that it was quiet.

Other than that, we seem to be doing fine.

My Dad Called Today (8-11-12)

Yep! It's been many, many years since he's been able to call and in the past he had to do it collect. Now the prison has set up a way for a prisoner to use a phone card from an account to call. It costs him $1.20 to connect and $.30 a minute.

Is it just me or are dad's intimidating? I just felt uneasy talking with him on the phone. It could be that we just don't have a close relationship. Also, he has certain ideas that I just have not addressed because I'd just rather not address it or let him down.

First, he wrote a harmony of the Gospels years ago that he just thinks is the greatest thing and he uses it in prison and he's been working on trying to get it printed. He keeps asking what people think about it, especially family. He probably thinks I've read it but I haven't. I've sent it electronically to family and he thinks he'll get great reviews from them but they've never responded about it and I've never asked.

Second, he thinks I've been calling the Dept. of Corrections to get him moved closer. I have not because when I wrote about it a couple years ago they told me it didn't work that way. I'd like him closer but I've not gone out of my way to make it happen.

Third, he thinks he'll get out at 75 years old, in about seven years. I believe he's wrong and according to the AZ DOC, I'm right but I'm not going to tell him.

Fourth, I just have mixed feelings. He talks about prayer and Aria's healing and religious things, and I believe he's sincere, but it just seems odd to me coming from him. He acts like a father figure and other things that he's not been for years.

Fifth, when I have told him things, he starts giving unwanted advice.

There may be more but I'll leave it at that.

The Kids Know about Grandpa (my dad)

About a year ago the kids figured out that their grandpa lived in a prison in Yuma, Az. I had taken Haydn to a baseball game and we were gone all night. My wife stayed home with the girls and watched TV, including Mythbusters, one of their favorite shows. The episode dealt with Andy and Jamie breaking out of prison and they were wearing prison garb. My girls asked about what prisoners wear and my wife mentioned that sometimes they also wear orange instead of black and white stripes. My oldest daughter remarks that grandpa wears orange and asked if he was in prison. My wife tells her “yes” and that he was there because he did a bad thing. My wife did not tell me about this conversation.

A couple weeks later I’m driving the kids home from church and my wife’s not in the car. My daughter said something to the fact that grandpa was in prison. My son goes, “what? No, he’s not.” I’m thinking, “Where did they hear that from?”I had hoped that they would figure it out the last time they went to visit him but they didn’t see the signs about it being a prison. They asked me if it was true and I confirmed it but didn’t say why. It’s a shocking thing to learn. I asked Tina about it and she told me how the girls figured it out.

A few months ago, my son kept asking questions about my and how she died. I tried to be vague but he kept pressing. I tried to do it gently letting him put the pieces together. I went something like this. (I’ve shortened it. This conversation was at least 10 minutes or longer.)

                        Haydn – How did your mom die.

                        Me – Someone killed her.

                        Haydn – Do you know who?

                        Me – Yes

                        Haydn – What’s their name?

                        Me – You don’t need to know that?

                        Haydn – Please. I want to know. (He asked several times.)

                        Haydn – Did they catch him?

                        Me – Yes, he’s in prison.

                        Haydn – Good. What’s his name?

                        Me – Do you know anyone who’s in prison for doing a bad thing?

                        Haydn – Yes, grandpa.

                        Me – That’s right.

                        Haydn – Grandpa did it?

                        Me – Yes

                        Haydn – Why?

                        Me – You’ll have to ask him next time you see him.

On several other occasions Haydn has asked me “why?” I usually tell him that dad was a very selfish and self-centered person and he chose to do the wrong thing. I have my own reasons of why he did it but I don’t go into it with him.

Until about a month ago, my daughter’s did not know why he was in prison and I don’t think my youngest even remembers. Again, in the car, my kids were talking and were talking about the Ten Commandments and Suzanna said that they didn’t know anybody who’s murdered anyone. Haydn pipes up and said, “Yes we do, grandpa.” Suzanna was shocked and confirmed it with me because she couldn’t believe it. She’s never brought it up except once when I was tucking her into bed and she said she was scared for mom. I asked why and she said she was afraid that mom would get hurt just like grandma. I had to assure her that grandpa would not do that and that I was not like my dad and that I would never hurt mommy. I promised her that I would never do that to her mommy. I think that made her feel better.

Well, now the kids know where grandpa lives and why. The next visit should be interesting. My guess is that they’ll be asking him a lot more questions than they did last time.

Sin “bringeth forth death” James 1:15

Near the end of 1994, my family saw this verse personified in our family. I had been in Florida about four months and in August my parents drove out Pensacola, FL. My sister was about to start another year at PCC and I was working and hoping to go to school in the future. From what I was told later by my mom’s friends, my dad spent the trip home telling my mom about his filthy life and all the things he’d been doing behind her back. The goal I’m told was to get her to leave. My mom married “for better or for worse.” For 20 plus years, my mom got mostly “for worse” but each year seemed to get worse and by the end my dad wasn’t even trying to hide it any more.

When I wrote Prayer and Fasting (Story 2) I told this part of the story but I’ll summarize it here. My dad’s life of sin led him to murder his wife, my mom. I’ve had people ask my why he did it. I’ve told them that he’d been straddling a fence for so long living in the world but trying to make other people think he was a good Christian that he finally made a choice and fell on the side of sin and caused heartache and suffering for his family. My son has asked me several times why grandpa did that and all I can tell him is that dad was a very selfish person and chose to do wrong. There are many reasons why he did it but it boils down to sin, & sin brought forth a physical death in the way of my mom.

Halloween Night, 1994, my dad called his children to tell us that mom had been found and that she was dead. Tri-City Baptist (TCBC) paid (“Thank you, Pastor Singleton, who loved my mom as if she was his daughter.”) for my sisters and me to fly to MI where my dad had made arrangements to have mom’s body flown so that we could have the funeral there and bury her next to her parents. During the funeral, the “funniest” thing I heard was when the person giving the eulogy said that “I just met Bob, I know that him and Sue had a great marriage.”

We stayed at the home of one of mom’s childhood friends. I remember my sister’s and I talking about, “what if it was dad?” That was not easy to think about but we decided that we had been taught that a person should pay for his crimes and so we determined that we would not hire someone to defend him if he was guilty. A couple days later, all four of us (my dad, my two sisters, and I) flew to Arizona on Sunday to have a memorial service for my mom on Monday night at TCBC. What we didn’t know is that police detectives had flown on the same planes with my dad to and from MI.

As we got off the plane, two detectives arrested my dad but didn’t handcuff him. We were not sure what was going on but a man from our church picked us up at the airport and took us home. My grandparents had driven in from CA for the memorial service and had rented a hotel room because they saw that my parent’s house had been searched by the police and they wouldn’t stay there. I wouldn’t have been able to do that either.

On Sunday night, everyone except me went to TCBC for the evening service. I decided to go to First Baptist because my friends were there that I had not seen in six months. During the service, someone from TCBC came to tell me what happened.

At Tri-City, the church service had started and while everyone was singing, Pastor Singleton was requested backstage. The detectives told the pastor that my dad had confessed to murdering Sue (my mom). Pastor Singleton came to the front, told the congregation, prayed, and dismissed the service. Then someone was sent to tell me. After being told, I went back into the service and told my friends and went to go see my grandparents at the hotel. It was quite an emotional time.

Who would have thought that at the age of 50 years of age, my dad would become a murderer?

Different Churches for Different People

I grew up in an Independent Fundamental Baptist Church. I was taught that our group of churches was the most honoring to God and that we followed the Bible the closest. Although we had our rules and guidelines, my church seemed to be fairly balanced. I learned a lot and owe them a debt of gratitude. The founding pastor was a BJU grad and we had BJU people come through there all the time and most of us who went to college went to BJU. There were some smaller colleges that some went to but that was not the norm at the time. When our church started its own college, I stayed in Arizona, otherwise I probably would have headed to South Carolina in 1985.

Years later, after being out of church for years, I held Tri-City as the epitome of what a church should be but when I tried to go back, I didn’t feel welcome. I decided to look elsewhere. Of course, like I was taught, I looked for a Baptist church. I showed up at a Conservative Baptist Church and even though I had been taught that churches should be independent, I enjoyed it there. It was different but close to the way I had been raised. The Sunday school teacher would have fit in well at an IFB church. I don’t hold that against him. He was/is a great guy and has a great family. God used that church greatly in my life.

As time has gone on, I’ve been a part of and visited in a number of churches, from Jack Hyles type churches to other extremely extreme IFB churches. In these churches I’ve seen where the members have some liberties of conscience and others that do as they are told. I’ve been in some dead churches and others that were livelier. Each church would have thought the other was wrong because of one thing or another.

Here is what I’ve come to realize. Different people need different kinds of churches. It’s not a one-size-fits-all. Some members need the pastor to tell them right from wrong and how to dress and what to listen to and what it should look like to be spiritual. It’s easier to be told the guidelines than to allow the Holy Spirit to do His job of working from inside out. On the other end of the spectrum, you have members who don’t want to change; they just want to enjoy church and the benefits it might bring.

A couple of years ago, when looking for another church, I found out that the Baptist church does not have the corner market on truth and they are not the only ones teaching and preaching the Bible. As heretical as that might sound to my Baptist friends, it’s true. A name on the church doesn’t always determine what’s going on inside. Non-denominational does not mean it’s liberal and not teaching the Bible. A church that’s part of an organized denominational structure can be a good thing and is actually more Scriptural than isolated, independent churches. Speaking in tongues and having a prayer language does not mean that they “have another spirit.” Some charismatic and Assembly of God churches love God and practice these things in accordance to God’s Word, in spite of what we were taught in our Baptist circles.

What I’m suggesting is that you don’t assume something about a church just based on its name. If you’re looking for a church, visit it. Look for people who love each other and love God. That’s a true sign of a body of believers, not the way they’re dressed, not the music they’re playing, not “whatever you can think of.” Do they go out of their way to show God’s love and kindness, not only to each other, but to the world around them? If so, that’s the church you should join.

Don’t let a name or denomination stop you from finding a body of Christ who love Him. Our world is small enough without isolating ourselves and thinking that we’re the only people who a corner on the Truth. There are different churches for different people and even though they might believe something differently than you, it doesn’t mean that they are wrong, it could be you.

Moving to Florida (1994)

As God was working in my life, I accepted the challenge and fasted for 24 hours. That was rough but my prayer was for God to do work in my life. My prayer was very generic but I wanted more spiritually. My church was having a mid-week three day conference and even though I worked nights driving for my second job, I made it each night. On Wed. night, I felt God tell me to quit my job at Walgreens. I had just started my new department manager job on Monday. I told Lee and Faye and they encouraged me to obey God’s voice and that I could do it on Friday. I said, “no, I need to do it tomorrow or I might not do it.” I walked in Thursday and put in my two week notice. I didn’t tell my boss but I told others that I quit because God told me to. I kept working my night job of driving for Execucar.

At some point I decided that I should go back to college. About a year and a half earlier I had gone with my mother to drop my sister off at Pensacola Christian College (PCC) where she a student. I remember liking the campus and I wanted to go somewhere new. My thought was that I need to put myself into a strict environment where I’ll be forced to do what’s right so that I can get back on track with God. On Easter Sunday, I went to Lee and Faye’s house for dinner and told that what I was thinking. They encouraged me by saying, “God can’t direct your paths unless you’re moving your feet.” I decided to move my feet toward Pensacola in hopes of attending college there in the future.

A few weeks later I packed my old Oldsmobile with everything I could and with $200 headed across the country. On the way I’d find a spot to park my car and sleep. During one stretch of the road I saw a car with someone changing the tire and I started to move over and ended up running over a piece of metal that gave me an instant flat tire. I’m guessing that’s how he had a flat. By the time I pulled into Pensacola, FL I had about $25 in my pocket. I had a friend who lived in the area that knew I was coming. I hadn’t planned on it but they insisted that I stay with them for a little bit. I owe Joel and Kim and huge debt of gratitude for opening their doors to me. At the time, they had two little ones.

I knew that God wanted me there. I didn’t know how God would provide but I wasn’t worried. I found a part-time job and a guy who was renting a room. Later on, I ended up working at Toys R Us and Radio Shack. I was used to working two jobs at a time. When Fall came, I wasn’t able to start school yet but that was ok. I was nearby and going to the Campus Church and making friends.