The Kids Know about Grandpa (my dad)

About a year ago the kids figured out that their grandpa lived in a prison in Yuma, Az. I had taken Haydn to a baseball game and we were gone all night. My wife stayed home with the girls and watched TV, including Mythbusters, one of their favorite shows. The episode dealt with Andy and Jamie breaking out of prison and they were wearing prison garb. My girls asked about what prisoners wear and my wife mentioned that sometimes they also wear orange instead of black and white stripes. My oldest daughter remarks that grandpa wears orange and asked if he was in prison. My wife tells her “yes” and that he was there because he did a bad thing. My wife did not tell me about this conversation.

A couple weeks later I’m driving the kids home from church and my wife’s not in the car. My daughter said something to the fact that grandpa was in prison. My son goes, “what? No, he’s not.” I’m thinking, “Where did they hear that from?”I had hoped that they would figure it out the last time they went to visit him but they didn’t see the signs about it being a prison. They asked me if it was true and I confirmed it but didn’t say why. It’s a shocking thing to learn. I asked Tina about it and she told me how the girls figured it out.

A few months ago, my son kept asking questions about my and how she died. I tried to be vague but he kept pressing. I tried to do it gently letting him put the pieces together. I went something like this. (I’ve shortened it. This conversation was at least 10 minutes or longer.)

                        Haydn – How did your mom die.

                        Me – Someone killed her.

                        Haydn – Do you know who?

                        Me – Yes

                        Haydn – What’s their name?

                        Me – You don’t need to know that?

                        Haydn – Please. I want to know. (He asked several times.)

                        Haydn – Did they catch him?

                        Me – Yes, he’s in prison.

                        Haydn – Good. What’s his name?

                        Me – Do you know anyone who’s in prison for doing a bad thing?

                        Haydn – Yes, grandpa.

                        Me – That’s right.

                        Haydn – Grandpa did it?

                        Me – Yes

                        Haydn – Why?

                        Me – You’ll have to ask him next time you see him.

On several other occasions Haydn has asked me “why?” I usually tell him that dad was a very selfish and self-centered person and he chose to do the wrong thing. I have my own reasons of why he did it but I don’t go into it with him.

Until about a month ago, my daughter’s did not know why he was in prison and I don’t think my youngest even remembers. Again, in the car, my kids were talking and were talking about the Ten Commandments and Suzanna said that they didn’t know anybody who’s murdered anyone. Haydn pipes up and said, “Yes we do, grandpa.” Suzanna was shocked and confirmed it with me because she couldn’t believe it. She’s never brought it up except once when I was tucking her into bed and she said she was scared for mom. I asked why and she said she was afraid that mom would get hurt just like grandma. I had to assure her that grandpa would not do that and that I was not like my dad and that I would never hurt mommy. I promised her that I would never do that to her mommy. I think that made her feel better.

Well, now the kids know where grandpa lives and why. The next visit should be interesting. My guess is that they’ll be asking him a lot more questions than they did last time.