Bad Parenting

Last night my oldest daughter was having a big breakdown. We had sent her to her room for doing it "one more time" right after she was told to stop. She starts whining and carrying on and so we tell she's done for the night and to go to bed. She goes into a bigger meltdown and saying she's not going to do anything and we start taking privileges away from her but she does go into her room.

I go up there a couple minutes later and she's torn her bed apart with everything on the floor, her mattress on floor leaning against the bedpost and her standing on the frame. I tell her that she better have that put together when I get back in a few minutes or she's going to lose more privileges and she's going to be stuck on her bed all day Sunday (except for church, of course).

I close the door and she goes into a bigger meltdown and she starts yelling that she's going to start breaking things. I opened the door and I told her that if she starts breaking things that I'm going to start breaking her things. She's like "what?" I said her radio, lava lamp, whatever. She goes, "I don't care about any of that." I look around and I see her favorite stuffed animal, Bella, from Build-A-Bear that my sister got for her and I tell her that I'll rip Bella's head off if she breaks anything and I close the door.

Well, Tina comes up to talk to her and calms her down and then comes talks to me that I can't do that or make threats like that. Apparently, I really scared her and she thought that my sister would be mad at her if I did that. Of course, my wife is right.

To make a long story short, all three of us talked it out. Suzanna apologized for her behavior and we set her consequences. I also apologized that I should never have threatened that and that I should have never told her that but I did tell her that if she ever did start breaking things in her room that I would remove everything from her room.

Another lesson in parenting - Don't threaten to tear the head off of stuffed animals. It's not nice. Plus, it was a lie because I don't think I could do that to my daughter.

DRACULA

I just finished reading Dracula by Bram Stoker, 1897 edition. It was a free Kindle e-book download. I debated about reading it because I'm not into horror movies, vampires, zombies, etc but it was free and it's considered a classic.

I've never seen the movie. I've seen small bits and pieces and I know how they portray Dracula at his castle. One of the character's is name Van Helsing and I wouldn't be surprised if the character in Van Helsing movies is loosely based on this character.

What surprised me the most is that this could be a book from an author who could be a Christian. Before you write me off, let me tell you why.

First, although Dracula is a big character in the book and he does make other people vampires, that is not the main thrust of the book. This was a big surprise to me. I thought it would be centered around him making new vampires.

Second,  the premise of the book was good, upstanding, God-fearing people trying to fight back the force of evil and wickedness, namely, Dracula. They were consistently talking about the will of God, God protecting them, and the outcome being all in the hands of God.

Third, they were concerned with the long-term and future generations of ridding the world of Dracula and not just getting him out of England. This seemed significant to me because they wanted to do the right thing even though nobody would believe them, or what they had to go through, and they willingly put their lives in danger.

Fourth, and the biggest surprise I had with this book, several times one of the characters referred to God's Son's obedience and death on the Cross. Below are some excerpts so you can read them yourself.

"For so surely as we live, that scar shall pass away when God sees right to lift the 

burden that is hard upon us. Till then we bear our Cross, as His Son did in obedience to His Will. It may be that we are chosen instruments of His good pleasure, and that we ascend to His bidding as that other through the stripes and shame."

“Thus are we ministers of God’s own wish. That the world, and men for whom His Son die, will not be given over to monsters, whose very existence would defame Him."

Overall, I found it a very intriguing book and I was very surprised that the premise of the book was good overcoming evil and not evil overcoming good.

Aria takes some pictures

The other day, Aria asked if she could take a few pictures with the camera. Here is what she took.

These are her new monkey boots.

 I took this picture for her.

 Then we went to our mailbox.

Aria visits more doctors

On Monday, I took off work and went with Tina and Aria to see the neuro-surgeon. On Tuesday, I went to work and Tina took Aria to a pulmonary doctor because she's been coughing so hard that she's puking and it's full of phlegm. The doctor looks at her and says that she does not have asthma but they are inflamed and it could be a caused by the Chiari Malformation. She asks if it's alright for her neuro-surgeon friend take a look at the MRI's and see what he thinks. The doctor send the files to his office and he thinks the Chiari is so bad that he has his office schedule an appointment the following day (Wed.) to come see him.

That was Tuesday morning. On Tuesday afternoon she was scheduled to see a gastrointestinal doctor and so they (Tina and Aria) go to see him but says he's not sure he can do anything until the Chiari is fixed.

Wednesday, I take another day off work and go to see the second neuro-surgeon. He was so much better than the first one. We talked for quite a while and he explained the procedure but said that he wants to do a sleep study test first to see what she's doing at night because he doesn't want to rush into brain surgery if it turned out not to be necessary.

I took a picture on our calendar to give you an idea of how many doctor's that Aria saw this month.

It is very likely that Aria will be having brain surgery by the end of May. Once this happens, Lord willing, she'll heal quickly, her health will greatly improve so that she does not need all the medication that she is on, and she'll be a normal, healthy child with no medical limitations.

God's "interferences"

Deism is the belief that there is a God and that He created everything but He wound it up like a clock and then walked off and has no interaction with His Creation.

Now, I am a theist, one who believes in ONE God and that He is involved with His Creation, but has it ever crossed your mind that God’s not really all that involved in our lives? I know this is not true. I believe the Bible and the Bible bears out the fact that God is very involved in His Creation, especially our redemption.

There is a part of Deism that is correct in that God did set His Creation in motion. The reality is that sometimes things happen that are the natural consequences of things set in motion from the beginning of time.

A problem with Deism is that it does not account for “the curse.” When God created everything, it was created perfect and would have run perfectly if Adam had not sinned.

God’s “interferences” with His Creation that had some of the biggest consequences came in the form of judgment at the Garden of Eden (“the curse”), the Flood (weather), and the Tower of Babel (languages). The biggest “interference” of God came in the form of redemption on the Cross and His resurrection three days later.

Although it is possible and it does happen, such things as: out of control weather, diseases, death, etc., are frequently attributed to God’s “interference” or “judgment” when they’re just the natural consequences of our sin cursed world.

When it comes to our individual lives, sometimes it’s hard to see the difference between the natural consequences of things set in motion and the divine consequences of God “interfering” in His Creation, especially when it involves His children. It’s easy to think that God is not involved when bad things happen or when prayers are not being answered the way you want. We wonder why God does not “interfere” more.

When something bad happens in your life or things didn’t go the way you were hoping, have you wondered what you did wrong? Has the first thought been, “what sin didn’t I confess?” or "what did a do wrong that God is not blessing me?" I have.

This is where Deism plays a part because I think most things happen by natural consequences due to decisions, personalities, and circumstances, and these things are affected by our sinful nature, which in turn can cause bad things to happen to everyone, the Believer and non-Believer.

The biggest question is how much does God “interfere” in our lives. God interferes in our life through salvation, through sanctification, through healing, just to name a few. James 1 talks about trials coming into our lives. These are every day things that come into our life that test our faith. James tells us to ask God for wisdom. In our every day lives on a daily basis, this is God’s “interference” in our life, His Wisdom.

Engagement

My little sister sent out a photo text of her engagement ring. She's officially betrothed and should be getting married on Nov. 24th in LA.

That's all I really know for now. I heard about her boyfriend just a few weeks ago. I guess they've been corresponding for quite a while now, met a few weeks ago, and are now engaged. He's a widower from ME and has two young boys.

I pray that it all goes well for her. It looks like we'll be spending Thanksgiving in Louisiana.

Neuro-Surgeon Appointment

We met with the neuro-surgeon today for Aria's Chiari malformation. Aria did not want to cooperate with the nurse practitioner or the surgeon, although the NP had better luck and the surgeon couldn't look at her at all and just ruled that our daughter is strong-willed. That may be the case but her behavior lately is not normal for her.

Anyway, the surgeon did not want to do surgery right away but wants to have a sleep study done first to see how much pressure the brain is putting on the spinal column to see if it's really necessary because the surgery is very involved and has a long recovery associated with it. To say the least, it won't be pleasant and she'd like to avoid it if possible.

In the meantime of waiting to schedule the sleep study, our daughter will be seeing a gastro-intestinal doctor tomorrow and we still need to schedule a visit to the lung doctor.

It's no wonder she throws fits at the doctors' offices. She's tired of it all. We're very tired of it all also and just wish she wasn't so sick but we'll keep trying. We know God has a plan for her and there is a purpose for all of this.

Aria's health this week

THURSDAY
Last week my daughter was taken to the doctor's office with a terrible cough and just not feeling well. Turns out she lost her tubes in her ears and had a double ear infection. She wouldn't let the doctor check her breathing. So, she went back on antibiotics, which she's been off since January. My wife took her back into the doctor's on Monday because she still had a terrible cough and was occasionally vomiting due to the cough. Now she's also on a steroid and an inhaler. Her cough is still not doing much better and so my wife takes her back into the doctor's office today, this time with all three kids because the others aren't feeling well either. The doctor sent her off to get chest x-rays. Amazingly, all three kids did well during the doctor's visits and so they're getting treated to pizza for lunch. I'm sure they're thrilled.

FRIDAY
The pediatrician called last night regarding the x-rays and it shows that her lungs have inflammation and that her nasal passages are filled. This should not be the case since she's been on antibiotics for over a week and she's been on steroids and a new inhaler for the last few days. 

Tina called the ENT (Ear, Nose, Throat) doctor and she'll be taking Aria in to see him this afternoon at 3. We'll see what he has to say.

FRIDAY NIGHT
ENT doctor says that nasal passages not as bad as others thought but understood why x-ray techs would think so. With what he deals with, she seemed fine. We have a doctor's appointment with a pulminologist (lung) doctor on Tuesday. We'll see what he can do to help Aria breath. She's not doing too well and sometimes sounds like she's going to cough up a lung, especially if she's been too active. 

more TCA memories

I remember the trips to National and Regional competitions around AZ, CA, & to SC. The best weeks of school was the first week in September when we’d go to the campgrounds in Payson to kick off the school year and Spirit Week in January. Our Senior Trip to CA was also a blast.

I remember fondly Mrs. Henry as the school principal. One of my teacher’s was a single parent with two children our age and she used to tell us of her time in Hawaii. She was a little different. I remember one of our teachers used to give swimming lessons during the summer at his house. I did my first back-flip there. I believe it was my fourth grade teacher that had a yellow car with a bumble bee sticker on side window. I remember one English teacher talking about kittens and microwaves. He only lasted one semester but he was the most effective English teacher I had. I remember one teacher who was extremely brilliant and talented but an ineffective teacher. If you could get him telling jokes, it was a waste of a class period. It was also the year of the Rubik’s Cube and he would have competitions in class of who could solve it the quickest. I remember one teacher telling us tricks to play as students and us going to the next class to try them out. I remember a very intelligent single woman with bad halitosis teaching us math and then seeing her meet and marry a cowboy who was going to college at IBC.

There are so many great memories of so many teachers, numerous fellow students, and loads of school activities. I know things weren’t perfect but we had good teachers and lots of friends. From my view inside the “bubble” that I lived, I thought life was pretty good.

TCA memories

In the fall of ’72, TCBC started Tri-City Christian Academy (TCA). I was in the first kindergarten class and I continued my education there until I graduated in 1985. My class was the first class to go from kindergarten to 12^th grade graduation. There were at least two others who graduated with me that I went to school with the entire 13 years of education at TCA. Most of the 13 graduates of 1985 had been my classmates for four to six years or more.

I have some very fond memories of TCA. I received a good education and a great foundation for future learning. Looking back there are things that I wish were different or better and things I didn’t like but I lived with it. Overall, going to TCA was a great experience for me and taught me a lot. Hindsight is 20/20 and I can’t change the past and I’m not sure I would want to change too much of it but I’ve made some choices in regards to my children’s education based on my experiences and I pray that they benefit from those insights.

I remember flying off the swings and seeing how far we could go. We used to play a game that I think we called “ditch-em,” where we ran all over the campus. It was our form of tag and capture-the-flag (which we also played). I was on the soccer team from fourth grade to 12^th. I tried playing on the basketball team but usually sat on the bench. I had no talent. I remember using the AWANA circle that was painted in the asphalt for a kickball game most mornings. I remember lining up and singing and saying the Pledge of Allegiance. I could go on and on but there are some great memories that were made on those seven acres (later to become 9 when they bought the land next to ours that had an old house on it).

I wasn’t the most popular but almost everyone knew who I was because of playing sports, being in the choir, preacher boy, and I spent a majority of my life on that campus. My best friend all through school was Andy. I very briefly dated one girl the fall of my senior year and I never really worried about having a girlfriend, although there was one that I had a crush on for years. I was sheltered and in a bubble. Which, at the time, I thought was a good thing.

For me, as with everything I’ve done, going to TCA had its negative and positive affects on me but overall I view it as a positive chapter in my background. I was a great experience and I will never forget the many years I spent going to TCA and the number of people that I met along the way.

Moving to Arizona

I don’t know the timeframe but my dad found out that my future mom had moved to Arizona and working at Tri-City Baptist Church (TCBC) as the church secretary. It was a brand new church that Pastor James Singleton and a handful of people started in a home in Tempe, Az. Over the course of time, my dad started dating Sue. I assume that we made several trips to Az but I don’t know and I’ve never asked my parents the details. I was told that when my mom agreed to marry my dad it was with the condition that we move to Az.

My dad and mom married on October 3, 1971. My parents were married for 23 years until my mom died of unnatural causes in October of ’94. But that’s another story that I will tell at a different time.

This move to Tempe, Az was the beginning of the rest of my childhood where I would spend six to seven days a week on the campus of Tri-City, either going to school, church, or an activity related to one or the other. I have some very fond memories of this place and have some lifelong friends that I’ll never forget.

My mother's death

It turned out that my mother’s health issues were due to having a brain tumor. At the time, late 60’s, it was inoperable. My sister’s first year of birth say a lot of neglect because my mother could not take care of her properly. I’m told that I was not neglected as much because I was able to get her attention because I was older and could move around the house.

I don’t know what happened that year with regards to my mother’s health or how bad she was but I know my grandmother eventually started taking care of us because my mother could not. So, now my grandmother is taking care of three children, all under the age of two.

Eventually my mother ends up in the hospital and less than two months after my sister turned one, my mother passed away. I am about 28 months old and now I have no mother and we’re living with our paternal grandparents in Palm Springs, CA.

I don’t remember any of these years but my grandmother said that my sister and I went to daycare and would bring home all the germs to her son, our uncle, and he was sick a lot. We stayed with our grandparents until I was about 4 ½ years old, when my dad married the woman I would come to know as “mom.”

In the Beginning (of my life)

I was born in February of 1967. My parents were students at Pillsbury Baptist Bible College. My mother was having some health issues and so in the summer of ’67 we moved to Palm Springs, CA where my paternal grandparents lived.

My dad’s parents are an interesting pair because they had gotten married around 16/17 years of age and had my father about a year and a half later. Shortly after that, they divorced. My grandmother and dad moved in with her parents while she went to nursing school. Later, she remarried to a very abusive man but never had any children by him. My dad ran away several times but got away for good when he was about 16. My grand father remarried and had three more children.

My grandparents met each other again, after twenty years apart, at my parents’ wedding. They were both divorcing their current spouses and decided to reunite. They ended up getting married to each other again. They were married for 20+ years before he passed away the day after Christmas in ’95.

So, when me and my parents moved to CA, my paternal grandparents had only been re-married a handful of years. My grandmother was pregnant and had my uncle four days before I turned one year old. My sister was born three months later in May of 1968.